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Who's The Baddest Woman In Movie History?

Lara-croft-cropped New and Improved. Now with special bonus question.



Nothing's sexier than a woman who kicks ass and takes names. So I decided to do a tribute to the ladies in film who have simultaneously scared and aroused me since I was a child. I was going to call it a "Top Ten" list, but I'd really prefer not to rank my ladies and there are more than ten. I love them all, some more than others, but I'd never publicly state which ones for fear that I would crush them. That being said, here we go:

ElektraElektra - Jennifer Garner

Not a good movie, but Jennifer Garner showed she could kick some serious ass. I like to pretend she beats up Ben Affleck in front of his family and friends.

 

 

Michelle-yeoCrouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - Michelle Yeo

This girl will kick your ass for real. Not that I'd want to run into Jennifer Garner in a dark alley, but this little girl would make quick work of me. If she wanted to fight me, I might just go limp and play dead, being sure to pee myself in an attempt to be as realistic as possible. I'm talking the whole creepy open eyes and everything.

 

Kill-billKill Bill: Volumes 1 & 2  - Uma Thurman

Now, there were a lot of bad ass women in these movies, but I'm giving it to Uma mainly because she was the only one of all the snake-lady assassins who knew the 5-point exploding heart technique (that and she killed all the other ones).

 

 

 

Linda-hamilton-terminator-2 The Terminator 2 - Linda Hamilton

In The Terminator, Linda Hamilton was a pussy. Let's face it. She spent most of the movie screaming, only stopping to have sex. But in the sequel, this fierce mother (both "mother" in "protective mom" and  "bad ass mofo who will break your face then shoot it") looked as if she could bench a cybernetic organism with a metal skeleton surrounded by living tissue. James Cameron thinks that look is super hot (not that there's anything wrong with that...)

 

 

Jennifer-lopez-enough Enough - Jennifer Lopez

For most of this movie, J-Lo plays a battered wife and mother who takes her child on the run from her psychotic husband. But then she takes some self defense courses and totally beats his ass before killing him. They play it on AMC about 74 times per week, so it shouldn't be hard to catch if you haven't seen it. And if you haven't... forget what I said about that killing him thing. I made that part up.


 

Hillary-swank-million-dollar-baby Million Dollar Baby - Hillary Swank

Leave it to Clint Eastwood to make a female Rocky and then paralyze her. We should have been cheering at the end of that movie and talking about the sequel (Ten Million Dollar Baby), debating on whether or not she'd fight Mr. T or Dolph Lundgren next.

 

 

 

Kate-beckinsale-underworldUnderworld - Kate Beckinsale

I love her. A lot. Vampire me, Kate. Is there a way we can do it without breaking the skin? Think about it, because it's the only way we can be together forever.

 

 

 

 

Gi-janeGI Jane - Demi Moore

'Nuff said.




 


 

Lara-croft Lara Croft: Tomb Raider - Angelina Jolie

Lara Croft is what Indiana Jones would look like if he were super rich, knew karate and had fantastic breasts. Now instead of wishing he were all those things, I can just watch Lara Croft.

 

 

 

Angelina-jolie-mr-and-mrs-smith Mrs. Smith - Angelina Jolie

We can also credit Angelina with the best fight scene in cinematic history. I don't think there's ever been a better line in film than, "Who's your daddy now?"

 

 

 

 

Grace-jones A View To A Kill - Grace Jones

Grace Jones was Christopher Walken's Odd-Job in this bad movie, but she didn't have an awesome hat that could cut your head off. Despite that, she's on the list.

 

 

 

 

Brigitte-nielsen-red-sonjaRed Sonja - Brigitte Nielsen

A spin-off of Conan, Red Sonja was not good. It doesn't really matter, though. This is about the baddest women, not the best movies. And I know they're not the best movies because I 've seen them all several times.

 

 

 

Freeway-Reese-Witherspoon Freeway - Reese Witherspoon

Before she was Legally Blonde, she was legally insane. In this movie, Reese showed us that at any given time, she is a second away from stabbing you in the throat with a shiv. Kiefer Sutherland played a child molester in this disturbing and awesome tale of a juvenile delinquent from a very broken home. If you haven't seen this film, holy shit, rent it. I won't ruin any of it for you. Reese is brilliant and shocking.



I think I can leave it here and let you fill in the blanks. I'm undoubtedly missing several, as these are only the movies I've seen (in many cases, more than once). So you can get all, "Oh My God what about Trinity from The Matrix?" Done. She's on the list. And I'll add yours just as easily. I'll tell you what. I had one in that I took out. We'll have a contest. If you can guess it, I'll... acknowledge it.

Here's a hint: This actress was in "A League of Their Own". This is not the movie for which she wins the bad ass award. And to make it even a little easier, I'll give you one more hint: I've seen it 4 times. Ok, go.

Disclaimer: You can not mention the Charlie's Angels movies. That's the only rule in this game.



MayoPie thinks he's humorous, but we all know better.







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Comments

rebecca

My guess is Lori Petty in Tank Girl...does that count???

heidi

oooh, can it be a girl?

i vote for Hit Girl from Kick Ass. not yet a woman, but kicks some serious ass. she's way scary but also? i totally want to be her (maybe mostly for the outfit and not so much for the ass-kickingness.)

Tracy

Gina Davis in The Long Kiss Goodnight? It's gotta be her.

Good list...I love movies in which women KICK ASS.

Deb Rox

Rebecca wins. Oh, Tank Girl. "Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues, shoot me now, please."

Ms. 45 comes to mind. I'm also fond of Juliette Lewis in Natural Born Killers. She inspires me.

Silver

Holy. Crap. Freeway is one of my ALL TIME favorites! Love your picks. Hard pressed to improve upon those.

Apryl's Antics

Angelina Jolie was also good in "Wanted". There was Mila Jovovich in "The Fifth Element" and Ashley Judd did some ass kicking in some movies, too. Then, there's Farah Fawcett in "Extremities" and the "Burning Bed".

MayoPie

Damn you, Rebecca. Ok, you win. You were all over that like a spider monkey.

Juliette Lewis was a total bad ass in that movie, deb. Nice work.

Miss Banshee

Whither PAM GRIER, MayoPie?!?!?!!? I'm in SHOCK.

Laurie

Sigourney Weaver had a rough time birthing those aliens but she still kicked major ass.

MayoPie

Pam Grier. See? Thank you, Miss Banshee. And Sigourney Weaver. How could I forget Sigourney Weaver?

Apryl's Antics

Jamie Lee Curtis in "True Lies" and 'Halloween".

Apryl's Antics

Charlize Theron in "Aeon Flux". Okay, I'm gonna stop now.

Mighty Hunter

Catwoman -- Michelle Pfeiffer. I mean, seriously. She could kick your ass and make you LIKE IT and quite possibly BEG FOR MORE.

Or maybe that was just my 18-year-old self. /ahem.

Peter

Trinity?

Grace Jones and Brigitte Nielsen, but no Carrie Anne Moss?

Sheesh.

D

Dude, Princess Leia Return of the Jedi? Hot and kicks the shit out of Jabba.

norm

RIPLEY 4 EVAH

"It's a queen.

She'll breed.

You'll die."

JellyBean

Sigourney Weaver as Ripley in all the Alien movies is absolutely #1 on the list!

anna

Summer Glau as River Song in Serenity! There's a reason xkcd once proposed a film of her kicking ass for 90 minutes.

Lynne

Ditto for Princess Leia. Come on, what man leaves out the chick in the gold bikini??

MayoPie

While I seemingly should have my man card revoked, every woman on my list would beat the snot out of Princess Leia. Furthermore, they wouldn't have been on the end of Jabba's leash in the first place, and in the end, she choked an immobile blob. Anyone could have done that. Now,I'm not going to say she's not on the list, but I will stand by my decision not to put her on it and defend my right to keep my man card. Sexual fantasies galore? Absolutely. Would Grace Jones eat her? Uh huh. (No pun intended.)

Laurpud

Definitely Gina Davis from "The Long Kiss Goodnight", which I've owned on VHS AND DVD!! Awesome, awesome movie.
Also, Sigourney Weaver in "Aliens". "Let go of her you BITCH!"
I would totally pitch for the other team for those two. If you know what I mean. & I think you do. (you do, right?)
Also, Princess Leia? Are you kidding me? She was OKAY, not really kickass; & Jabba had her on a LEASH. pssshhhht!

MayoPie

This is what I'm saying. Leia spent more time being rescued than anything. I think I saw her fire a laser gun a couple of times, but my dog can do that. And then the jabba thing, yeah. Big deal. "Don't worry Luke, I'll take the slug with T-Rex arms." Thanks. My hero.

Apryl's Antics

Um. What about "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"?

Isabel @AlphaMom

Definitely Geena Davis in The Long Kiss Goodnight. That character was fierce. Awesome sleeper which suffered from a terrible movie title.




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