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Bad News For Boring People: Jennifer Aniston Is Keeping Her Clothes On

Jennifer-aniston-cherry2 In what must be a terrible blow for boring people everywhere, someone whose job it is to speak for Jennifer Aniston announced that she would not be appearing nude in the upcoming movie "Horrible Bosses".

Aniston's rep addressed the nudity rumours in People magazine with words that are interesting in their own right, but when assembled together and attached to Jennifer Aniston become dead signifiers that could serve as a lullaby for a corpse:

"The part is provocative and sexual, but also hysterically funny... There are no plans for her to go fully nude or topless, but the role does require an aggressive sexuality that many folks have not seen from Jennifer on screen before."

Jennifer-aniston-gq-cover (2)

"Oh no," said a spectaculary boring person. "Jennifer Aniston has been the girl of my dreams ever since she rocked Mad TV with her trademark on-camera-bikini-wearing comedy stylings. The thought of her disrobing sexually excites me".

"She is a strong but very feminine role model," said someone else even more boring than the last person. "Hollywood needs more, um, you know... hey, I've got a coupon for half off any dessert at the Cheesecake Factory with purchase of dessert of equal or greater value. I think it's expired, but I really want to try and use it. A free dessert would be the highlight of 2010 for me".

The boring person paused a moment before adding: "Aside from seeing Jennifer Aniston and Colin Farrell in Horrible Bosses, of course!"

When told that Horrible Bosses was not coming out until July 29th, 2011, the boring person stared vacantly into the distance for several long seconds before letting out a small, reflective burp.

"Better out than in," the boring person was quoted as saying.

Source







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Comments

Zoeyjane

Um. When'd she buy boobs? Or did they photoshop some of Scarjo's onto her?

ozma

Hey, I had one of my best sex dreams ever about Jennifer Anniston.

Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.

[mark]

ouch, dude. while i find most of her roles can be filed under "snoozefest", and her public-personal life to be fairly attention whore-ish, i can't help but still be quite smitten with her visage.

so, y'know...ya cut me, man. ya cut me good.

Palinode

@[mark] - It's true, Aniston is pretty. And she's not a bad actor. She's just... I don't even know. But I have to say: Mark, you are the opposite of boring people. I, on the other hand, am the opposite of non-jerk people.




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