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I Am Probably Dead Because My Kids Refuse To Heed Brady Bunch Wisdom

Brady-bunch-tiki If you are reading this, I'm in Hawaii, perhaps even dead by now from some ancient Hawaiian curse.
Because I have kids. And when you have kids, you realize that they were sent here to destroy you. So, yeah, you're reading this because I wrote it in the past, but by now one of my kids have probably killed me.

Because my kids will not be satisfied with Hawaiian sun, ocean swimming, and Maui fruit juice dripping down their chins. One of them will scream "LOOK DAD!" and they'll show me an ominous tiki. I'll become pensive and warn them, "Return that from whence it came. Tis not good to bring disturb ancient Hawaiian artifacts. Rich with old religion significance, no good can come from possessing it." But they'll laugh at me and turn it into a necklace because the children think they're smarter than me, in spite of never seeing The Brady Bunch.

When Bobby wore the tiki, he was nearly decapitated a wall decoration. When Peter wore the tiki, he woke up with a mother fucking tarantula on his chest. And when Greg wore the tiki, he fell victim to a horrible surfing accident that nearly took his life.

Hawaiian tikis are no good. But my kids will find one. And that's why I'm probably dead.

Do you remember the 3 part Brady Bunch Hawaii episode? Of course you do. Don Ho serenaded Cindy and Vincent Price needed to go reheat his beans. Remember that shit? I think the Hawaii trip was probably the best Brady adventure ever. Can you top it? What's your favorite episode of the Brady Bunch?


. . . . .
BHJ wishes he was ocean size. They cannot move you - man - no one tries.






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Comments

agentmermaid

I love the Hawaii episodes, but I'd like to give a shout out to the episode concerning Greg's new groovy pad/bedroom.

DianaCLT

When Greg bleached his hair.

Or when Jan effed up her nose.

Chelle

The episode when the family went to the Grand Canyon and ended up in jail in the ghost town. I believe they met a cantankerous old man on that adventure, too. He was no Vincent Price but, yeah, mysterious old men and the Brady boys went hand in hand.

Wow. I just re-read that and it sounded waaayy creepier than I intended.

incognito

I took a pretty black stone from a Hawaiian beach once - which you are NOT supposed to do, because it upsets Pele - because I thought it would be a perfect addition to my new Hot Stone Massage Kit. So when we got back I offered my husband a hot stone massage, heated up the stones in my crock pot as the internet told me to do - and gently placed the stones on my husband's back, whereupon he yelped "DAMN that's hot!!" and ran away, never to request a massage again. True story. Don't mess with Pele, people.




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