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"Jersey Shore's" The Situation Has Another Job

Jersey-shore-the-situation-mtv-unsexiest-manEveryday, I wake up and think to myself, "What Would The Situation Do". Then I put the shot of vodka down, wipe the vomit from my orange skin, and go about the path of the righteousness. This tiny little mantra is the only thing that allows me to put one foot in front of the other on the daily.

The mind fuck puzzle I'm constantly trying to piece together? How do I even know who The Situation is? I have never witnessed one single episode of MTV's Jersey Shore. I do not live within a 1000 mile radius of the great state of New Jersey. I am not even 10% Italian. Hence my confusion. I have no clue how this King Supreme of the Douchenozzles has managed to infest my primitive cerebellum with visions of hair grease and washboard abs. Then it hit me. This man-boy is no fool. He is a smooth criminal. A hustler, if you will. He has made sweet love to his fifteen minutes of fame, got it pregnant, and become a proud father of a guido empire.


Last week, I alerted you to Mr. Sorrentino's budding rap career. A full week has passed since I broke your eardrums and ultimately made all of America sterile by posting a snippet of his first single. Shame on me. I take full responsibility for that. My bad. So, as I started up the internet machine this morning, what did I find staring me in the face like my four year old son during a staring contest? What for it. I can see you getting all squirmy. The anticipation is killing you, isn't it? The Situation is launching his own clothing line. Finally! This is what I have been missing in my life. Soon you will be able to dress the guido way. Fall in line you sheep, fall in line. I can just see it now....From the makers of Valtrex, partnered with Christian Audigier, we bring you the fall "Situation: Guido" collection (Now available at your local Kohl's).

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TJ feels pretty when dressed head to toe in Ed Hardy

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Sarah Lena

I am so relieved to finally have an answer to "What do you buy the classy man who has everything outside of herpes?".

TJ Johnson

@SarahLena I am so sorry I didn't find out about this last week. I ruined Father's Day for everyone.


I forsee a plethora of gold chains, chunky rings, and sleeveless belly shirts. Oy vey. Honey, if you wanted this for our anniversary you could have just told me! I think I have a Kohls giftcard somewhere....


*wild applause*

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