pop culture gossip community about contact archives subscribe advertise fine print bmc

« Top Ten Reasons Why I Should Be MTV'S New Twitter Jockey (or as Many as I Can Think of Until I Run Out.) | Pop Culture Main | From The Bad Moms Club: Three Words: Turtle And Baby »


Ozzy Osbourne's DNA to Be Mapped, Played Backwards to Find Satanic Messages

Ozzy-osbourne A group of scientists at a genetics firm have plans to analyze Ozzy Osbourne's genetic code purportedly to better understand how drugs are absorbed into the body. Osbourne was chosen for this project because of his notoriously excessive abuses and seemingly miraculous survival.


Personally, I think they're checking to make sure Ozzy isn't a cyborg.

In my typically cynical fashion, my immediate thought was, "Duh. The guy has money and can buy the best medical care. That's how he survives." But reading some of the more famous incidents of his 40-year-long bender made me realize that there may be something superhuman at play. Like the time he drank four bottles of cognac in one day, blacked out for awhile, then woke up perfectly fine, ready to party again. I'm a pretty experienced drinker and I don't think I could withstand four glasses of cognac in one day. Clearly, something is keeping this guy alive.

Ozzy-osbourne-hairdoPerhaps there is something in bat heads that causes immortality...a mumbling, semi-conscious immortality, but immortality nonetheless. Or perhaps he just has a really positive outlook. Or perhaps he read The Secret. I bet that's it. "I'm going to snort this bucket of cocaine, do something obnoxious/illegal, and then relax. Then I'm going to drink this case of hard liquor, strangle my wife (but she'll be fine because she read The Secret, too), then go to lunch. I'm also going to break my neck but be fine after I put some Tussin on it. Visualization. Actualization, baby."

Anyway, the director of the research firm stated, "Sequencing and analyzing individuals with extreme medical histories provides the greatest potential scientific value."

Let's just hope that the scientists, having access to Ozzy's DNA, decide to clone him and create some kind of Black Sabbath Jurassic Park. That might be a bit much.

Source







« Top Ten Reasons Why I Should Be MTV'S New Twitter Jockey (or as Many as I Can Think of Until I Run Out.) | Pop Culture Main | From The Bad Moms Club: Three Words: Turtle And Baby »




Comments

Keli

I think about this often. Usually when young, healthy people get cancer. Why the hell are Ozzy and Keith Richards still alive? I think sheer will has something to do with it.

JellyBean

I think there is something to the idea that all the alcohol pickles/preserves your organs.

ysabelkid

I would totally visit a Black Sabbath Jurassic Park, if only to hone my zombie-slaying skills. But yes, it must be all that pickling keeping Ozzy alive. I can only imagine that his liver threw in the towel long ago.

jillian

Sheer will has nothing to do with it. Trust me.




The comments to this entry are closed.

Read the Comments Policy »



« Top Ten Reasons Why I Should Be MTV'S New Twitter Jockey (or as Many as I Can Think of Until I Run Out.) | Main | From The Bad Moms Club: Three Words: Turtle And Baby »












Blog Widget by LinkWithin