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Tom Cruise Voo-Doos Hollywood into Les Grossman Movie.

Cruise_tropic_web  HAHAHAHAHA! Tom Cruise's Les Grossman character is HYSTERICAL. He's overweight and hairy and despicable and swears a lot and does unnecessary hip-hop dancing! Get it? He's white! Man! I haven't seen anything that funny since 7th grade when a bunch of bully assholes beat up a weak kid and then called him "Fag-aro" instead "Figgaro". Someone ought to make a movie about Les Grossman! Wait... What? I was being sarcastic! NO!

So since Tom Cruise is an insane Hollywood freak-boy, when he did Les Grossman for Tropic Thunder I was all "Well it's kinda funny. I guess." and then I went back to petting the cat or clipping my toenails or whatever else I was doing that totally wasn't Em-bating. And so that was that. Kinda funny, but compared to any sentence that came out of Danny McBride's mouth in the history of ever, it was just a middling guy-in-a-fatsuit joke. I've SEEN Eddie Murphy in The Nutty Professor 2, and YOU sir are NO Eddie Murphy. (Which is like telling a guy with leprosy that he is no other-guy-with-way-worse-leprosy.) 

But Tom Cruise thought he was so funny that not watching him be Les Grossman causes herpes or cancer or super-herpes-cancer, so he did the MTV awards as Les Grossman last week and again with the hip-hop dancing and the swearing and the belittling of actors and ... Yawn! "Hey, I think I'll watch Arrested Development again for the 15th time!". My point is, I totally get it. White guy. Fatsuit. Dances. Awesome. This was a super funny bit back when a caveman did it in 1000 BC.*  So we're all agreed then that this self-indulgent schtick is played out and tired and THANK GOD no Hollywood Producer douchebag has decided to option this as a movie! Amiright? High Five!

Les-grossman

This came from a website called Tom Cruise Forever. There's no punchline to that

So then some Hollywood douchebag, who will remain anonymous as long as you don't know who Tom Cruise is, and Stuart Cornfeld of Red Hour Films, along with Ben Stiller, who has apparently decided to assassinate funny, decided that they should secure the right to the character of Les Grossman, and now guess what they are making. No, not their fantasies of having sex with animals come true. They are making a Les Grossman movie. Hooray for shit I thought was marginal being expanded into feature films! Hooray for mugging in fatsuits! Hooray for mediocrity!

And now all the super-hilarious Presidents of motion picture companies are coming out of the woodwork to say "Les Grossman taught me everything I know" because hahahahaha! Everyone KNOWS how funny and witty and clever and talented studio executives are! These goddamn Larry the Cable Guy movies aren't gonna green light THEMSELVES after all! So despite all our vast history of human achievement and accomplishment, we'll be seeing Tom Cruise in a fatsuit on the big screen sometime in the next few years. Personally I'm hoping for 2012. Because then POW! Doomsday. It just makes sense. 







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Comments

Jen O.

I'll admit I found Les Grossman funny in Tropic Thunder. I'll even admit that the promos for the MTV VMA's made me giggle a little bit. But the whole bit on the actual show made me realize that I have had enough. It's the same shit over and over again and HAHAHAHA look at his cartoon-ishly big hairy hands! It's actually kind of offensive to those of us with naturally cartoon-ishly big hairy hands.

Boo to this as a full length feature film. Boo to not leaving well enough alone. And boo to beating a dead horse.

JellyBean

Is anyone grossed out by Cruise's pasty white body in a diaper in that picture? And yes, I realize he is in the fat suit for Grossman.




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