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Top Chef DC Recap: Episode 1, The First One

Top-chef-dc TOP CHEF D.C.! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Yes, I am excited. Of course the first episode is always a cluster you-know-what with 17 chefs to introduce us to and trying to get as many shots with the Capitol in the background as humanly possible.

Shut up. I can be cynical about Washington D.C. landmarks if I feel like it. I live here.

*spoiler alert*

Don't read beyond this point if you still have this episode on your DVR. Then you would have nothing to look forward to when you get home from work!

Okay kids, I am going to try to do this as fast as humanly possible. One, I have been in meetings all day and I am exhausted. Two, I have meetings all day tomorrow beginning with a meeting where I force both of my kids' kindergarten teachers into one meeting to talk about first grade placement and ending with some very professional business meeting. Three, that first meeting takes place in less than 8 hours. Four, whatever you are even listening to me. You are only here for this.

Top-chef-mattin_sad

Better? Okay. Your three minute recap starts now:

Tiffany worked at IHOP. We also watch Hell's Kitchen and we know how this one ends already. Lynne is a cooking instructor. That ended poorly on Hell's Kitchen too. That being said, I seriously doubt that Eric Ripert will call anybody a cow this season.

Kenny cooked his first egg at three years old. Sarah wonders what his mother was thinking letting him that close to the burner when he was three.

Arnold is the executive chef for three restaurants? I wonder how much cocaine a person requires to work that much.

Kevin works as a restaurant called Rats? Ewwwwwww.

Angelo is very proud of himself. Angelo is Angelo's biggest fan. Angelo has moves even Angelo hasn't seen yet.

Yes, I will continue to make "The Replacements" jokes until I stop thinking they are funny. Again, suck it up and look at this:

Mattin_rabbit_hat_mattin_roll_MamaPop

And again, yes, until I stop thinking it is funny.

I think John might do meth.

First Quickfire: Mise en place challenge - peel 12 potatoes, brunoise a cup of onions, break down four chickens, prepare a dish. The winner receives $20,000.

Somebody (Amanda?) cuts her hand open during the potato leg.

Kenny is FAST. He wins the first two legs.

This is going to take longer than three minutes isn't it?

Raw chicken looks kind of gross.

Why does D.C. look so empty? It must be 6:00 am on a Sunday morning. Hey, did you know it is against the law to build anything taller than the Washington Monument in Washington D.C.? True story. Also why there are no skyscrapers down there.

Kenny and Angelo look like they might be the two to beat here. Angelo wins the $20,000.

Angelo wants to win every single competition.

I already dislike Angelo.

Elimination Challenge: each chef has to cook a dish that represents where they come from. The top four guys from the quickfire get to pick who they are up against - so the people they think suck the most get picked first.

Bad blood already.

The D.C. house is nice! Really, really nice.

Is John wearing black patent leather dress shoes without socks? Weird.

I would never have placed Angelo's accent as being from Connecticut.

Waaaay more than three minutes. Now my meeting is in less than 7 hours.

How cute is Eric Ripert? 

Ripert-eric

How cute is Gail Simmons?

Gail-simmons

An ode to Wolfgang Puck is a messy slice of fish? I am starting to wonder if I fell asleep for a minute and missed the middle of that sentence.

I think I just saw somebody I recognized! Why wasn't I invited to this party? Is it because of the Mattin pictures? Dammit Colicchio. Call me.

Gnocchi has what to do with Miami?

Kenny, Angelo, Kevin and Alex were the top four and Angelo won with his Connecticut inspired dish.

Then Angelo says " I win. They are going to be chasing me this whole time and I will set the presidents."

Set the presidents will you Angelo? Somebody had better warn Obama, the Bushes and Clinton. I don't know what you mean by setting them, but it doesn't sound good.

John, Tim, Stephen and Jaqulin are the bottom four. No surprises there. John is going home.

So sad.

Picture 7

I just assumed that John would be the new Mattin. Or at least the new Marcel. It sucks for John, but all of these chefs are good and somebody has to go home first.

Well, tune in next week. One chef down, 15 more to go.

. . . . .

Goon Squad Sarah is very tired.







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Comments

jodifur

I've never seen any top chef ever, but I'm watching this one for the DC thing.

Kristin

Did anyone else see the Canadian flag in the same shot as the Capitol behind Padma during the quickfire? Laughed SO HARD.

Also, are they going to have a Dial themed challenge? Because what I want most from TC is a body wash flavored amuse bouche.

Issa

Oh how I've missed this. The show. And your re-caps.

All I kept thinking about as they said that guy worked at Rats, was Ratatouille. Am not sure I'd ever eat there.

Why is it that someone has to start whining second one? Oh I can cook, I'm the best there ever was, but onions? I can't believe we have to do this. GRRRRR. Just say, I suck at menial things, because I'm on a huge ego trip 99.9% of the time.

Issa

Oh and Sarah? Can I vote that John not become the new Mattin? Please. The thought of him cooking in a restaurant that I may eat at one day, creeps me out.

lumpyheadsmom

Questions I desperately need you to answer:
1. If you have earned a Michelin star, what are you doing on Top Chef? Why do you not have a real job already?
2. Why are you on Top Chef if you are an instructor at a cooking school? I understand wanting more attention for your restaurant/catering business/huge ego - but if you're an instructor . . . are you hoping someone sees you and gives you a new job?
3. Where is the Top Chef house? Georgetown? The Hill?
4. Holy shit did you see the size of Alex's ears? They're HUGE, man. I cannot focus on anything else when he's talking because OMG HUGE EARS! (Seriously. Mattin's bunny is all "Damn, those are some big ears.")

jodifur

@lumpyheadsmom-I believe the top chef's house is in Dupont Cirlce. I know someone who works right around there and they are going to that whole foods a lot.

KBO

@lumpyheadsmom I'm guessing people who already have Michelin stars are looking for mainstream exposure. We live in the age of the celebrity chef. I'm reading Michael Ruhlman's book about that very subject. It's good.

John is totally gross. I hate really long white people dreads. There, I said it. If that makes me racist, so be it. Plus, he beat out my friend as the cheftestant from the Chicago casting call, and my friend is hot and would undoubtedly have not been eliminated first.

Please don't stop the Mattin. Ever.

velocibadgergirl

John seemed like a pretty nice guy, but I'm a little relieved that they sent him home. I don't know that I could've watched him cook food with a hairdo that looked like it housed a few squirrels :S

funda62

So from the one season of top chef I've seen this means Angelo the a-hole is going to win right?

tonya

Mattin FTW!

John's hair did frighten me, but he seemed to fit the "kooky" character of the show formula. Angelo wants you to know that Angelo can cook and Angelo is the one to beat. Angelo pitys the fool that doesn't believe Angelo can win every challenge.




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