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Ass-tastic! Archive

June 18, 2010

Silly Bandz Bans?

Silly-bandz  Did you know that Silly Bandz were a thing? Because I've been wearing them in my hair for a couple of months now and I had no idea.  

Of course you did, didn't you? 

Is a five-year old going to cut me for my pig? 

That sounds all kinds of wrong. 


June 11, 2010

Is American Apparel Skeevier in Real Life Than It Is In Ads?

American-apparel-ad American Apparel has a new hiring practice in place that lets them weed out the ugly and out of shape. Apparently, all potential employees are now vetted by an unknown person (or team or people) via photographs emailed in with applications.  One photo of the applicant's face and one full body head-to-toe (not sideways) shot. Seems like an awful lot of potential degradation to go through for a job that pays 9(-ish) bucks an hour, doesn't it?  Oh, and EEeeeewwwWWW.


June 01, 2010

Lee DeWyze Loves Him Some Marilyn Manson

Lee-dewyze-american-idol-marilyn-manson-bj-nowak Is Lee DeWyze, latest American Idol winner, going to the dark side?


May 26, 2010

Want a House Guaranteed to Need An Exorcism? Buy Amityville!

Amityville-horror-house-for-sale In 1974, horror struck the DeFeo family. Now you can own the house where it all happened!


May 14, 2010

Lil Wayne "Stomps" the "Yard" in Prison, Producers Scramble to Create "Stomp the Yard IV - Lil Wayne: SO MANY YARDS LEFT FOR STOMPING." Related News: Possible Dysentery.

Lil-Wayne-AP-Photo Lil Wayne, who began serving a year long gun charge in New York's Rikers Island jail complex in March, has gotten himself into trouble again.  Seems there's one fight he won't stop fighting, no matter how much trouble befalls our music star.


May 06, 2010

I Want To See Betty White Do SNL Almost Naked: How About You?

Betty-white-snickersI love Betty White. I think we can all agree that she's the best ever, but I'm not sure how I feel about her wearing sexy things. Don't get me wrong, she's hot, but she's a comedic actress. I just don't see her that way. But according to one website, out of those polled, 95% of people would like to see Betty White dressed in a KYMARO Body Shaper, like the one Lady Gaga wears. Grrrr...


May 04, 2010

Kids Do The Hills Better Than The Hills Does The Hills

The-Hills-2010 So I watch The Hills.  SO WHAT?  It's not like I'm proud of it or anything.  It's not like I like the show so much that I followed one of it's spawn across the country and now also watch them every week in The City.  SO WHAT if I did?  It's for research, is what it is.  Yes.  And this research has shown me that The Hills is a really, really stupid show.


April 23, 2010

The Ninja is all up in the Interweb: Worldwide

Dieantwoord Warning: Once you have seen this video you cannot unsee it.

Warning #2: Once you have heard this song you cannot unhear it.

This song is the reason my daughter says "Go Ninja!" before she goes to bed at night.


April 15, 2010

There Are So Many Things Wrong With This Cover, I Don't Know Where To Start

Life and Style coverPunch #1 to the nuts of feminism: Kim Kardashian has lost 5 lbs in 5 days to exact revenge on her former boyfriend, Reggie Bush, for moving on too quickly.  Because that's healthy.  Not just the pound-a-day diet, the idea that she needed to get skinnier to make her ex jealous. 

And that's just the beginning of wrongness that is splattered all over the place with this week's Life & Style cover.


April 14, 2010

House Party To Be Remade?

House Party poster So it seems Brett Ratner wants to remake House Party. Say what?! Yes, it appears, according to people like Film Junk that Ratner wants to remake that 1990 classic. Yes, I said classic! And I meant it! Damn it, people, I'm serious here!


Sigourney Weaver, My Breasts And I Have A Bone To Pick With You

Sigourney-weaver  Copy this one down for the WTF files. Sigourney Weaver has not only betrayed the sisterhood of women in film, who have been sorely underrepresented since the medium was invented, but has lauded and sung the praises of one Mr. James "I'm A Douche" Cameron IN PLACE OF standing up for her fellow woman. I cannot believe I am even reporting this.


April 12, 2010

The Insane Clown Posse Ponders Some Science and S#*t

Insane-clown-posse In September 2009, the Insane Clown Posse released their eleventh studio album, entitled Bang! Pow! Boom! Recently, they released a music video for the single "Miracles." And, folks, it's EPIC.


March 26, 2010

Robert Pattinson Hits Like Girl

RobertPattinson Ah, Robert Pattinson. He may be dreamy, he may be sparkly, he may be sexy and rich as hell, but he punches like a little girl.

RPattz said that the stunt personnel on the set of "Remember Me" laughed at him. They laughed at him when he had to punch them in the face for a fight scene.


March 19, 2010

J-Lo Has Gone "Overboard"

J_lo_on_a_boat The first time I read that Jennifer Lopez had signed on to do a remake of "Overboard" I dismissed it.

That is silly, thought I. Sure, "Overboard" is funny, but it is only funny because of Goldie Hawn's delivery. Other than that it is a stupid, and dated movie.

But then I saw the rumor again, and it was all - Will Smith is producing a remake of "Overboard" and is in talks with J-Lo.


March 18, 2010

I Saw the Worst Movie Ever and Lived to Tell About It

New_york_city_serenade Late Wednesday night, I tweeted, "I have just watched the worst movie ever. The search is over. Holy crap." Within seconds, thousands (okay, eight) people @-replied me, dying to know what perversion of film I was referring to. I told them. And now I'll tell you, lest ye find yourselves in the bowels of your cable package.


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