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Bachelor Recaps Archive


March 16, 2010

The Bachelor: The Stories Behind The Rose Recapapalooza

6a00d8341c5d9653ef0120a7eb1081970b  Ooooooooooooh boy. Kids, you'll be lucky if your old pal Miss Banshee even makes it THROUGH these next two hours, because what I didn't realize was this special was not a production from the Bachelor, but a 20/20 EXPOSE of the Bachelor, and as awesome as that is, well, let's just say there are shenanigans afoot, and I won't stand for it! I simply won't! Ahem. Let's begin.

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March 09, 2010

The Bachelor: The Douchelor Gets Married Recap

Molly-jason-mesnick-wedding-rain  Y'all. I am not even playing around with this one. I CLEARLY did something very, very wrong in a past life to deserve this, and YOU, my beloved little squirrels, get to come along for the ride as we follow the Douchelor Jason and his second choice, Molly, down the aisle. Luckily, Mother Nature hates these jackoffs just as much as we do.

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March 03, 2010

"The Bachelor: After The Final Freaking Rose" Recap

6a00d8341c5d9653ef0120a7eb1081970b  Straight off the rounded heels of Vienna and Jake getting all gooshy together as her brand new enormous diamond ring shone in the St. Lucia sun, we go directly to a dim studio somewhere in Burbank! How subtle, ABC! But here's our man Chris Harrison with even. Yet. Still. More. Bachelor.

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March 02, 2010

"The Bachelor: On The Wings of FINALE, BABY!" Recap

6a00d8341c5d9653ef0120a7eb1081970b  WE MADE IT! We're finally at the end of this long, tedious, slut-strewn road, and now it is time for Jakey to take either Tenley, the Disney Princess, or Vienna, the Round Heeled Tramp under his Wings of Love, and we don't have to watch this stupid show again till next year. So what are we waiting for, let's put this puppy to BED!

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February 23, 2010

"The Bachelor: The Women Tell All SORTS of Crap" Recap

6a00d8341c5d9653ef0120a7eb1081970b  Guys? Have I been a...a bad recapper? Did the reality tv show gods choose to smite me, when all I have done is bow at the altar of snark? HOW ELSE to describe this UNGODLY 120 MINUTES of Reunion Hell?

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February 16, 2010

"The Bachelor: On The Wings of Fantasy Suite, Baby!" Recap

6a00d8341c5d9653ef0120a7eb1081970b Okay, this is The Episode. The episode that starts to turn Jake the Bachelor into Jake the Douchelor, because if I have to hear him wax non-poetic about how he's "falling in love with three different women" one more time I will retch. Jakey's been awfully good about not being The Douchelor, but he is on the gangplank this week. (Pirate reference number 1!) 

Let's get this trainwreck started.

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February 09, 2010

"The Bachelor: On The Wings of CHOOSE, ALREADY" Recap

 6a00d8341c5d9653ef0120a7eb1081970b It's Meet The Parents Time, and then! The shocker! No one! Was! Expecting! This is The Bachelor, and let's get down and dirty, just like Jakey likes it. Psych, we all know Jake loves getting aroused and denied, and BOY, does he ever THIS week! It is on like Donkey Kong, beeshes.

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February 02, 2010

"The Bachelor: On The Wings of A VIRGIN?!?!" Recap

6a00d8341c5d9653ef0120a7eb1081970b I'm gonna get this right out there now, kids. This recap? I'm working a little blue this week. Not sad blue, NSFW language blue. I know, you're horrified. So get all literate kiddies out of the room and let's do this!

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January 26, 2010

"The Bachelor: On The Wings of Bloodbath!!!!!!" Recap

6a00d8341c5d9653ef0120a7eb1081970b Well. THAT was certainly dramatic, was it not??? Let's get right into the horrorshow, shall we?

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January 19, 2010

"The Bachelor: On The Wings of Beeyotch" Recap

Thebachelor_pavelka_jake Oy to the vey, this episode, kids. Okay, let's get started, we've got a lot of The Crazy to cover.

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January 12, 2010

"The Bachelor: On The Wings of BLAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!" Recap

Thebachelor_pavelka_jake  The call rang out across the innerwebz. "MamaPop!" you howled. "Whither 'The Bachelor' recaps?" Well here's your faithful Miss Banshee, ready to dive into this cesspool of silicone boobs and STDs. Join me, won't you?

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