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Douchebag of the Week Archive

January 07, 2010

To Catch a Thief - World of Warcraft

World-of-warcraft-logo This is going to sound like the plot to a particularly geeky episode of Law & Order but it actually happened.

This guy named Alfred Hightower was in trouble with the law for dealing drugs and so he fled the country.

The fuzz tracked him down by checking up on his World of Warcraft character.


December 29, 2009

Is Larry King Cheating on His Wife with Her Sister?

Shawn-king Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.

Is Larry King screwing his wife's sister?



October 30, 2009

Josh Duhamel Cheats On Fergie With Stripper

Josh duhamel fergieRemember the good 'ol days when the National Enquirer used to focus on crop circles and Jesus shaped french toast?  Now - after a string of verified breaking stories - when they report, people listen.  (Maybe you should take a second look at your breakfast after all.)

So when I read that the latest in philandering douche canoes was none other than His Royal Hotness Josh Duhamel...I sort of believe it.  It does have the ring of truth.  Especially since the stripper passed a polygraph


October 26, 2009

David Cross Snorted Cocaine Near Barack Obama and Brags About It

DavidCross_what_was_he_thinking I really enjoy the work of David Cross. I think he was brilliant on Arrested Development, but I have some questions about his judgment. For example, would you snort cocaine in a room with a bunch of secret service agents?


October 15, 2009

An Open Letter To Ralph Lauren: Women Are Not Bratz Dolls

Ralph-lauren-anorexic-pic Dear Ralph Lauren:

There has been a great deal of press surrounding your ex-employee Fillipa Hamilton, the model who was photoshopped to a ridiculous degree and then summarily fired for being too fat. I have to wonder aloud why someone who is 5'10 and 120 pounds can ever be considered overweight, as a BMI of 17, which Ms. Hamilton has, is actually considered underweight. By a lot. But that's not the world of modeling, right? Of course not. I should just go about my business and let you fire women who dare to have even a modicum of realism to their figures. 



October 08, 2009

Jon Gosselin, Giving Douchery A Whole New Name


Headline: Kate and Jon Gosselin At War Over Filming Kids Birthday Party.

Right, because Jon's now all opposed to that shit, right?

Wait... what?

JON'S the one who wants to let the film crews in?


October 07, 2009

Lindsay Lohan's Dad Says She's An Active Addict And He Will Save Her

Lindsay-lohan-paris-fashion-week Oh Michael Lohan. Is there any low you won't sink to? In an interview, Michael Lohan has stated that Lindsay is addicted to prescription medication, and that he will be the one to get her clean. 

Whether or not this is true, the real point of this is that Michael Lohan is a scum-sucking bottom feeder who wants his scummy, horrid hands in all the cookie jars. Exploiting his daughter for his own fame yet again, he has now either fictionalized or (more likely) outed Lindsay as an active addict. Instead of, you know, actually getting her help, he runs to the media and blabs his mouth off about his troubled child.

Way to stay classy, Michael, YOU DOUCHE.


October 05, 2009

Who Is This Guy Accused Of Extorting Letterman?

David_Letterman So we know some idiot decided to extort Letterman for a whopping 2 million dollars, but who is he?  And as an aside, if you are going to extort David Letterman don't you pick like 15, maybe 20 million dollars?  Get enough to get out of the country and never be seen again.  What does 2 million dollars buy you these days anyway?  And Letterman has some serious cash.

Also, was anyone really, honestly surprised that he slept with someone on his staff?  Maybe more than one person?  The man works like a gazillion hours a week.  Where was he supposed to meet someone?  This happens all over corporate America.  Unless it was sexual harassment, and I have read no accounts that say it was, I'm not sure exactly where the scandal is.  OHHHHH, he had an ACTUAL consensual relationship with someone he worked with.  SCANDAL.


September 21, 2009

Does Kirsten Dunst Have to Pull Stupid Stunts to Get Roles? Already?


I know that she bugs some people but I kind of like Kirsten Dunst. I haven't forgotten how good she was as Claudia in "Interview with the Vampire". I loved "The Virgin Suicides" and "Drop Dead Gorgeous" and "Bring it On". So why, at 27, is she already resorting to crashing parties to audition for roles?

The rumor is that she crashed a party for Jane Campion because she is dying to get a role in Runaway, a film that Campion is working on that will be based on Alice Munro's book of short stories.


September 14, 2009

Jamie Kennedy Calls Naked Jennifer Love Hewitt a "Pear Ass"

Jennifer love hewitt_jamie kennedy Calling a girl a "pear ass" = not cool.  Calling your girlfriend a "pear ass" the first time you see her naked = grounds for shin kicking and indian burns.

Jamie Kennedy should work on his relationship skills. And probably running from thrown shoes.  Because somehow along the way Jamie decided that calling a girl a "pear ass" is actually a compliment.

While performing his improv show on August 23, Jamie brought Jennifer onstage, where she shared a few intimate details of their relationship such as this gem about the first time Jamie saw Jennifer naked.


The VMAs: Win Vs. Fail, When Win = New Moon Trailer And Fail = Kanye

Kanye-taylor Whooooooooa buddy, were the VMAs out of control this year. By now everyone's heard about Kanye's douchebaggery, but trust me, that wasn't the only OMG moment, by far. There were a lot of missteps at the VMAs, as there are every year, but there also were some highlights, so let's go through the show and dissect the chaos, shall we?


Kanye West Apologizes For Being A Douche On The VMAs

In case you missed it, from tonight's MTV VMAs:

Kanye West was then escorted from Radio City Music Hall. Shortly thereafter, the following appeared on his blog:


August 13, 2009

DNA Test Proves John Edwards Is the Father of His Mistress' Child

Rielle Hold on to your housecoat.  John Edwards is the father of his mistress, Rielle Hunter's, one-year-old daughter, Frances Quinn.  (And no, there will be no further definitions of is, John.)  Despite previous refusals to grant a DNA test, Rielle ultimately agreed to have her daughter tested because, according to a friend, "She was worried about getting long-term financial support for her daughter. So she hired an attorney, and John consented to undergo a secret swab test to establish paternity."

According to multiple sources "John begged Rielle not to get an abortion", has been paying her $15,000 monthly in child support, and "always knew he was the father of Rielle's baby".

As did the rest of the country. It seems like the only one in denial was his cancer-stricken wife of 30 years, Elizabeth.  It's about to get much worse.  John may be headed to jail.


July 28, 2009

A Brief Tutorial on Crabcore

Crabdance A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I got into some argument about something or other. And as many of our arguments tend to go, it quickly devolved from a spirited debate into, "You're stupid/No, YOU'RE stupid/Your mom!/No, YOUR mom!" And as a method of shutting me down, my husband threatened to litter my Facebook wall with crabcore videos. Deathblow.

What is crabcore, you ask? Allow me to make your reality suck a bit more enlighten you.


June 25, 2009

Rachel Hunter / Jarrett Stoll Wedding Called Off

Rachel_hunter_jarrett_stoll Former supermodel and current reality television regular, Rachel Hunter and L.A. Kings center, Jarrett Stoll have called off their wedding.

Or it would appear that Jarrett Stoll has called off the wedding.

Or at least that is what he said in the e-mail.

Yes, this douchebag hockey player called off his wedding seven weeks before it was supposed to happen in an e-mail to his fiancee.


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