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Douchebags Archive

April 26, 2010

Comedy Central Censors South Park Because Of Death Threats From Nerds Posing As Muslims

Trey-Parker_Matt-Stone South Park has a long history of insulting religions because religious people are funny when they're mad. If religious people weren't so funny when they get all frothy and sputtery, South Park wouldn't make fun of them. But that's just not going to happen. For example, South Park pissed off some Muslims who want the creators dead. Like, dead dead. Because of a fucking cartoon. Yay monotheism!


April 22, 2010

Octomom Tells Oprah She Can't Pay Mortgage: Goes To Disneyland To Relieve Stress About Finances


We all remember the story of Nadya Suleman, the poor, underprivileged woman who decided to build her own country. Sure, she had no money and was about to lose her home, "but dammit, kids are cute and mom and dad love kids. They won't mind if I build a society and make them take care of it." But as it turns out, colonization is a bit pricey. The Octomom is having some financial difficulty and she desperately needs your help.


April 19, 2010

When the Going Gets Trashy, The Trashy Get Paid - Tiger's and Jesse's 'Mistresses' Get Reality TV Offer

Jamie-jungers  Michelle "Staph Infection" McGee and Jamie Jungers—"mistresses" of Jesse James and Tiger Woods, respectively—are getting a reality show, and I'm getting a drink before noon on Monday morning.


April 14, 2010

House Party To Be Remade?

House Party poster So it seems Brett Ratner wants to remake House Party. Say what?! Yes, it appears, according to people like Film Junk that Ratner wants to remake that 1990 classic. Yes, I said classic! And I meant it! Damn it, people, I'm serious here!


Sigourney Weaver, My Breasts And I Have A Bone To Pick With You

Sigourney-weaver  Copy this one down for the WTF files. Sigourney Weaver has not only betrayed the sisterhood of women in film, who have been sorely underrepresented since the medium was invented, but has lauded and sung the praises of one Mr. James "I'm A Douche" Cameron IN PLACE OF standing up for her fellow woman. I cannot believe I am even reporting this.


April 13, 2010

Michelle "Bombshell" McGee Is Sorry

Sandra Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, Jesse James' most tatooed, most White Powery mistress, has apologized to Sandra Bullock. She marched right up her front door and delivered her sorries to Sandra's face. Hold on, I mean she said sorry from the other side of the world.


April 12, 2010

The Insane Clown Posse Ponders Some Science and S#*t

Insane-clown-posse In September 2009, the Insane Clown Posse released their eleventh studio album, entitled Bang! Pow! Boom! Recently, they released a music video for the single "Miracles." And, folks, it's EPIC.


Jon Gosselin Wants Jon and Kate Plus 8 Back

Jon-kate-gosselin This man is such a hypocrite I can not even begin to explain it all.  So, right before the news of Kate's new show breaks, Jon files suit for full custody.  Now, he is saying he wants to be part of the show.  But he is the reason the original show stopped in the first place!  If I was the judge dealing with him I would just throw the court file on the desk and storm off the bench.  Stunts like these do not make friends.


April 09, 2010

Now I Have to Root for Mischa Barton on Principle

Mischa-Barton-Brandon-Davis I never watched The O.C., but I think that's the only reason Mischa Barton became famous. Is there another reason? Am I missing anything? Wasn't she the girl ghost who puked in The Sixth Sense, too! Nothing shoots a girl to fame like puking on camera. But, now that The O.C. has been off the air for years, Mischa is only known for being kind of a train wreck. Lots of drinking and taking unflattering photos and choosing questionable hair colors and then more drinking on top of that. And dating douchnozzles too, apparently, because Brandon Davis (her ex) took to Twitter last night to call Mischa a fat hefer.


April 08, 2010

The Gosselins Are Fighting Again: Wait, Aren't They Divorced Already?

Jon-and-kate-gosselin-at-press-conference It is like the divorce that will never, ever end.  Jon Gosselin is now suing Kate for full custody, which she was granted when they finalized their divorced in December.  Why, you ask?  Well, besides the fact that he is completely irrelevant and wants to stay in the headlines since she still is?  He claims she is an "absentee parent."  Pot, meet kettle.


April 07, 2010

Michael Lohan To Marry Jon Gosselin's Ex, Kate Major

Michael Lohan and Kate Major engaged  Kate Major, former tabloid reporter and Jon-Gosselin-dater, is engaged to marry America's #1 Dad, Michael Lohan. Um, mazel tav? No, wait, what I meant to say was...ugh.


Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy Announce Breakup on Twitter

Jim-Carrey-Jenny-McCarthyLove is a beautiful and timeless thing -- except in the hearts of onetime bigtime film star Jim Carrey and his now ex-paramour/former Playboy bunny/occasional comedic actress/anti-vaccine zealot Jenny McCarthy, who announced yesterday via the magic of Twitter that the roaring passion that once existed between them has, alas, been snuffed out.


April 05, 2010

Jesse James Quits Teh Sex Rehab

Jesse-james-leaves-rehab I guess Jesse James took The Donald's relationship advice to heart. He reportedly left sex rehab (it sounds sexy, but isn't!) over the weekend after a one-week stay. A moving van was spotted outside Sandra Bullock's home on the same day. Other stuff in the world happened, but screw it. Let's continue to devote valuable brainspace to this jackass...


April 02, 2010

Charlie Sheen is Threatening to Leave "Two and a Half Men"

Two-and-a-Half-Men Charlie Sheen Jon Cryer Angus T. Jones Charlie Sheen is spreading rumors that he will be leaving "Two and a Half Men" which begs the following questions: 


Is Lindsay Lohan Broke? Hi Lindsay, Welcome To The Club. We Meet on Fridays.

Lindsay-lohan-drunkWe've all given Lindsay Lohan a hard time (ok, maybe not you, but me, maybe a lot - I may have done a video in where I dressed like her and cried while singing Bonnie Tyler's 'Total Eclipse Of the Heart'), but now when I hear the news that she may be running out of money, I still don't feel too badly about it.


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