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"Food" Archive

September 24, 2009

Top Chef Vegas Episode 6 Recap: Penn, Teller and the Red Kerchief Brigade

Red Kercheif brigade top chef season 6

First and foremost - Mattin Homies Represent!

In protest that our bekerchiefed buddy had left the building the chefs all wore one of Mattin's red scarves. Or maybe it was to acknowledge Biafran independence, but they all looked like Mattin and it was awesome. But why did Mattin have and why did he leave so many red bandanas behind? Were they infected with smallpox? Was he sponsored by Red Kerchief LTD? Is this the next manifestation of the Heaven's Gate cult? Was he really just bat shit crazy?

We may never know. I was distracted when Padma introduced Michelle Bernstein as the guest judge. She is a badass and plus I like her hair. Then Padma said that the quickfire challenge was a duo challenge - an angel vs. devil plate. A plate that represented their personal battles as a chef.

The winner won immunity, but not $15,000.


September 22, 2009

Heroes Recap: Nobody Wins

Clam-chowder-2Last night was the season premiere of Heroes, brought to you by Boston and clam chowder.  I was excited.  I was also tired after dealing with important parenting matters.  Heroes was to be my escape.  It was 2 hours long, now with an extra hour of commercials!

It turns out that I couldn't remember crap from last season.  I was lost at times, but instead of a smoke monster I had a warm beer and a lot of questions.  Apparently last season didn't leave much of an impression.  I checked to make sure House was being recorded.


September 17, 2009

Top Chef Vegas Episode 5 Recap: The One With the Camping

Top-chef-season-episode-605 As I was watching the opening credits this week I thought to myself (and I would have said it out loud by my husband fell asleep on the couch and I didn't want to just be talking to my self like a crazy person*):

Self, how could Robin and Ron still be cooking on this show and Hector is already gone?

And lo and behold, less than a minute later Michael V. starts saying the exact same thing.

It is funny how when I think it is seems like commentary and when Voltaggio says it it sounds like he is trash talking his cast mates.

Mikey V. went on to say how he thought that the three best chefs on the show were Mike "the douche" Isabella, himself**, and his brother**. While I agree that those guys are all good (especially Bryan) I think that he is either an idiot or delusional to not include Kevin and Jennifer on that list.

Quick aside: Does Ashely bathe more often than regular people or does she have the "wet look" on purpose? It always looks like she just got out of the shower.

On to the quickfire:

Beware: Spoilers abound after the break


Dear Ace of Cakes: Come Out From Behind That Oven

Ace-of-cakes-food-network Like many people, I spend an unhealthy amount of time watching the Food Network. My favorite thing to do is to watch it while I'm on my treadmill; there's something wonderfully terrible about watching Ina Garten sauté garlic in two pounds of butter while I'm trying to sweat off half an ounce of fat from my thighs.

But my favorite show hands down is Ace of Cakes, the show starring Duff Goldman and his posse of hipster friends who run a bakery, Charm City Cakes. It's not so much the creations themselves - while they're amazing, I've grown a little tired of watching them make groom's cakes shaped like schnauzers and birthday cakes depicting island vacations - but the atmosphere of the bakery reminds me of all the design shops (including my own) that I worked in over the years and the camaraderie that exists when you throw a bunch of creative people into a room together.

That said, I think it's time the people at the Food Network showed us a little more about the personal lives of the quirky bunch that we see on the show. Who's dating who in the shop? Doesn't anyone ever have a fight with their mother? How about an episode where the staff goes out for drinks after work, gets hammered and then all stumble back to the bakery for a little roll in the fondant? Okay, maybe that's more than we need to see, but you get the picture.


September 10, 2009

Top Chef Vegas Recap: Episode IV, A New Hope

Picture 4 Fine, it wasn't really "A New Hope", but it did have an Obi-Wan/Yoda type hero. This episode was full of stars and this post is full of spoilers so if last night's Top Chef is unwatched on your DVR you might want to wait until tomorrow to read this.

Vivre Las Vegas, bitches.

The high stakes Quickfire was high stakes indeed.


September 03, 2009

Top Chef Vegas Episode 3 Obsevations: Thunderbirds Recap

Picture 2 I'm still loving Top Chef Season 6. The competition this year is intense and the dead weight is being weeded out quickly.

Observations during the Quickfire:

1) Mike - You don't have to be a douche. Even if you want to educate the audience on risotto there are considerably more charming ways to do so. Instead you just come off like an asshole.

2) Ashley is really sweaty, but she made her own cheese, so that is something.

3) If I were Ashley I would have beaten the crap out of Preeti for being and idiot and stealing my water.

4) Poor Jesse. She isn't going to last long. I actually almost feel sorry for her. She always knows what she did wrong, but she always does something wrong.

5) Mark Peel seems know that he is a badass.

6) The Essence of the Potato - I changed my mind about what I am going to name my band.

Observations during the Elimination Challenge:


August 27, 2009

Top Chef Vegas Episode 2 Recap: The Bachelor/ette Party

Picture 2 It all began with the high stakes quick fire. The contestants walked into the kitchen and were greeted by Todd English and a big ass craps table.

They had to roll the dice to see how many ingredients they could use in their dish (salt, pepper and oil were freebies) which they had to make out of things they found in the pantry. Nobody wanted to roll a two and nobody wanted to roll a 12 but everybody wanted to win the $15,000.

Poor Laurine got a three, so she made a soup out of asparagus, leeks and lemon.

(spoilers after the break)


Giada de Laurentiis' Cleavage is Out To Get Us

Giada-de-laurentiis-cleavage-food-network-everyday-italian What do you think of Giada de Laurentiis' cleavage? When you see the Food Network chef's bosoms, does it make you reach for a nice Chianti, or do you find it disturbing and start to feel funny down there? At least one person watching doesn't appreciate Giada tossing her big, ripe tomatoes in with the pasta, and they've started a petition to stop her from corrupting the planet.

Called the 'Cover Giada De Laurentiis's Cleavage on Food Network' campaign, it aims to keep the Everyday Italian star from using her boobies to destroy unsuspecting minds. Here's the compelling argument:


August 26, 2009

The Technicolor Yawn in Technicolor: The Top 6 Instances Of Puking On Film

Team_America How did you sleep last night? I ask because I didn't — in large part because I spent most of it awake with a 4-year old who was apparently trying to turn herself inside-out. The good news is that while I was enjoying this extended dance remix tour of my daughter's digestive system, my thoughts wandered to the many and splendored ways that this particular facet of existence has been illuminated on film over the years. In some contexts, it has been treated as comedy. In others, it's an element of high drama or great horror. But no matter how it is presented, these scenes create a portrayal of humanity at its most vulnerable — and, in the process, may even teach us a little something about ourselves.

(cue: a very special episode music...)

• Team America
I can only presume that you're already familiar with Team America, the Academy Award-winning geopolitical documentary featuring hardcore puppet sex. Lovingly crafted by the sensitive minds behind South Park, Team America features an entire galaxy of stars (my personal favorite: Matt Damon), the Eiffel Tower getting blown to smithereens, and a scene in which our hero Gary - having descended into alcoholism - hits bottom and proceeds to engage in a bout of epic vomiting that must been seen to be believed. 56. Full. Seconds. Of. Puppet. Vomiting. So staggering is this mannequinamation expurgation of effluvia that its status as the ne plus ultra of onscreen hurling is challenged by only a single precedent...


August 25, 2009

Quit Trying to Make Pop Songs Out of Jingles

Subway_five_dollar_foot_longRemember in Mean Girls, how Gretchen Wieners, Toaster Strudel Heiress, kept trying to make, "fetch" happen? As in, "That is SO fetch!" Until finally Regina George told her, "Stop trying to make 'fetch' happen! It's not going to happen!"

That's how I'm starting to feel about commercials that try to make their jingles into pop culture institutions.


July 23, 2009

Adios, Gidget

Taco-bell-dog-chihuahua-gidget Gidget, the chihuahua who became a star in those ubiquitous Taco Bell commercials, has died from a stroke at the age of 16. I've never written a tribute to a dog, but I felt like this one had to be written. After all, with all the Carne Asada Chalupas and Burrito Supremes I've scarfed down over the years, Gidget's death feels like a major passing (no pun intended.) Sort of like how some of you KFC eaters might have felt when Colonel Sanders kicked the bucket (again, no pun intended.)


July 22, 2009

Ice Skater Brian Boitano to Host Cooking Show, Thus Making the Lord's Creation Complete

Boitano Many years ago, some hopeful young lads from the town of South Park asked themselves, "What would Brian Boitano do?" Based on his experiences in the 1988 Winter Olympics, fighting grizzly bears with his fire breath, fighting the evil robot kings of the future, and building the Great Pyramids of Egypt and defeating Kublai Khan in the process, Brian Boitano rose to prominence as a wise sage and prophet, just like Jesus and those other dudes.
Now he turns his powers to the insurmountable challenge of....PAELLA! AUUGGHHHH!!!!!


June 11, 2009

Turns Out Gordon Ramsay Really IS an Asshole

Gordon-ramsay Warning: The following contains numerous gratuitous, sometimes annoying food references.

Ever since Matlock went off the air I'd been looking for a new TV show to occupy my time. That changed a few years ago when Hell's Kitchen came on the scene and I'd tune in every week to see Gordon Ramsay berate, belittle and bully his lowly contestants until they cried salty tears into their béarnaise sauce and became hallowed-out chicken carcasses of their former selves.  It was so fun! And the part at the end where the loser's picture catches on fire? That was awesome and stuff.

But I always thought the whole angriest-man-in-the-world thing was just an act.  I figured that after the cameras stopped rolling Ramsay would get everyone in a group hug, dry their tears with the edge of his apron and they'd all pile into his Prius and go get some fro yo.

Apparently I was wrong.


May 25, 2009

Top Chef Masters? Bravo Has Been Reading My Diary Again.

Top-chef-masters-1 I think I actually squealed a little bit when I saw the first commercial for Top Chef Masters. I'm not sure when exactly I became such a food reality tv junkie, but Top Chef is my favorite show, and I am a sucker for celebrity chefs (did I ever tell you about the time I saw Wylie Dufrense on the train from DC to New York?) so this show was made for me.

According to Bravo's website "Top Chef Masters will pit 24 world-renowned chefs against each other and see how well they fare in the tried and true format of Top Chef. In each episode, money will be at stake for the chefs, with the winners of eliminations being awarded cash donations for their charities."

And a shitload of publicity for their restaurants. It is a win/win/win situation. Top Chef and Bravo get the viewers, the chefs get the free advertising and patronage and I get a bonus season of Top Chef.

So who did they get to participate?


April 28, 2009

Factory Farming Partially to Blame for Swine Flu?

Swine_flu I am already so sick of hearing about swine flu. On the off-chance that this really is the pandemic that wipes us all out, I will gladly accept many I-told-you-sos. For now, I'm leaning toward believing that it's a "glamorous" story that the media can beat to death.

It is a serious issue, though, particularly for people living and working in Mexico, who have been the hardest hit by the illness. As of today, 152 deaths and 1,600 illnesses are believed to be swine flu.

Residents and workers near a Smithfield Foods plant in Perote, Mexico, think that the factory-farming giant may be at least partially to blame for the outbreak.


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