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Gossip Rag Wednesday: RED ALL CAPS IMPACT FONT EDITION!

This week's crop of tabloids, released to the newstands just today, and sanitized for your protection.

Gossip Rag Wednesday: Angelina Hateration Edition

This week's crop of tabloids, released to the newstands just today, and sanitized for your protection.

Gossip Rag Wednesday: Old News Edition

Fresh, new covers with dusty, old content! Whoo! Most of the tabloids this week seem to be reporting news that isn't actually news to anyone at all. Let's see exactly what we've got here.

Gossip Rag Wednesday: Breeding Like Rabbits Edition

This week's crop of tabloids, released to the newstands just today, and sanitized for your protection:

I don't normally get personal here, but people, I'm running low on sleep and coherence, so I'm gonna hightail it through these suckers like nobody's business. I expect all of you to pick up the slack in comments. Yes, I'm looking at YOU. Isn't that what friends are for? The slack picking upping? That's what I say.

Now about this cover: obvious OMG WTF ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! regarding the Brangelina breeding aside, am I the only one who is terribly, terribly frightened by that photo of Trista? As in, a bit a-scared she might, ohh I don't know, EAT THAT BABY? (Note to weight-obsessed Hollywood: distended starvation bellies? SO NOT TEH SEXY.)

Gossip Rag Wednesday: Oh Honey, They Done Already Been Wrecked Edition

This week's crop of tabloids, released to the newstands just today, and sanitized for your protection:

Are they REALLY struggling to be a normal family, OK!? Because having eleventy camera crews in your home at all times and going on the Today show once-a-week to talk about your ex's latest douchebaggery would *kinda* suggest otherwise. Just sayin'.

What, too judge-y?

Gossip Rag Wednesday: The Spice Must Floooow Edition

This week's crop of tabloids, released to the newstands just today, and sanitized for your protection:

Okay, so you may recall my annoyance last week about the tabloids and their circling of Jennifer Aniston's womb like ginormous, yellow Impact font-bearing vultures. And indeed, I AM quite peeved. But what I really want to say about this cover is HOLY SHIT WHAT IS WRONG WITH JENNIFER ANISTON'S HEAD AND DID SHE GET INTO THE SPICE? (IT MUST FLOOOOOW.)

Gossip Rag Wednesday: Gape-Mouthed Vampires Edition

This week's crop of tabloids, released to the newstands just today, and sanitized for your protection:

Oh my god, they're going to have a Best man *AND* bridesmaid?! NO WAY. You're right, OK!, this IS going to be the wedding of the year!

PS: WILL BOTH OF YOU PLEASE KEEP YOUR MOUTHS SHUT IN PHOTOS ALREADY? GAWD. (Sorry, personal pet peeve. Stupid fly-catching vampires.)

Gossip Rag Wednesday: Desperate Yellow Impact Font Hookup Edition

This week's crop of tabloids, released to the newstands just today, and sanitized for your protection:

DUN DUN DUHHHH!

Best thing about this cover? That photo of John Mayer. Could he look any more slimy and snickering? Also, is that a half 'stache [shudder], or did he just miss a spot wiping (okay, several spots)?

Gossip Rag Wednesday: Plastic Surgery Can't Save You Now Edition

This is what happens when you try to run an inn with your spouse. I'm talking about the loveless marriage, not the plastic surgery, by the way.

Gossip Rag Wednesday: Kate Gosselin's Hair Strikes Back Edition

This week's crop of tabloids, released to the newstands just today, and sanitized for your protection.

Is it just me or is Kate's hair looking a little, err, less insane? Someone talked to her! Finally!

Gossip Rag Wednesday

I love you Owen!!! No snark for this, just a lot of love and support vibes to be sent out.

For all the newsstand gossip, read on!