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Guest Authors Archive


February 17, 2009

Let's Talk "The Bachelor"

The_bachelor_jason

Authored by super special guest contributor and honorary MamaPop Betch, Suebob of Red Stapler

Even after 53 seasons, I don't know why I watch it. It doesn't have the kitsch factor of "Rock of Love." It doesn't have a real competition, unless you count being engaged for like 20 minutes followed by a People magazine cover breakup as a win. It doesn't have evil trash-talking schemers like Big Brother, unless you count that one really bitchy girl who is always gone by episode three.

And yet we persist in watching it. I think it is one of two things: either it is that we really, really need to know what happens, or that we like to watch pretty people get humiliated and cry.

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For the love of Jesus!

ED NOTE: For the next few weeks MamaPop we'll be featuring some very awesome Guest Author Contributions in addition to our regular Team MamaPop posts. Please give these Friends Of MamaPop comment love and a warm welcome, and check them out on their linked-to home sites/blogs! kthxbai!

Madonnajesus
Who's the granny now, huh?

Authored by super special guest contributor and honorary MamaPop Betch, Emma of Mommy Has A Headache

I'm not that big of an admirer of Madonna. I found her a bit silly when she moved to England and started talking with that English accent and then complained that she had no friends. You're from Michigan lady so don't expect the English to embrace someone wearing tweed britches or trying to pull of the Lady of the Manor accent! But now all that's behind her, she's hung up her riding britches and is Stateside again (which begs the question of will she segue back into the American accent or keep the faux British, but I digress) and I now find myself insanely jealous of her. Why? Because of her new toy boy, twenty-two year old Brazilian model, Jesus Luz.

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October 28, 2008

Fallout 3 Review

Fallout3a

Authored by super special guest contributor and honorary MamaPop Bestard, Plaid Horse

Post-apocalyptic games are as pervasive as the end-times rumors saturating Washington these days; the financial mess quickly escalated from passive kerfuffle to flat-out doomsday and everyone from Warren Buffet to Jim Kunstler (The Long Emergency) are predicting bread lines. Times are bleak. People are suffering and the snow hasn't even started to fall. A real Cold War style cloud seems to be settling over America as we realize we will be a much poorer nation than the last two decades promised.

We feel a little bit alone. We might have to fight our way out of this crisis, and in a Camus kinda way we're unable to understand or empathize with the ugliness of the world. In three weeks time, just as many games use similar scenarios as their plot driver – Dead Space, Gears of War 2, and the topic of this review, Fallout 3.

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May 29, 2008

"Size 8? Or Prego?"

Authored by Super Special Guest Poster and Honorary MamaPop Betch, Leslie of Mrs. Flinger

78_2 I know I'm not the only mom who would like to lose a little baby weight, even if you can't legitimately call it "baby weight" when your infant just turned one. I know I'm not the only mom who picked up, flipped through, and then actually purchased the latest "US Magazine" because she couldn't resist the "How I Got My Body Back" headline. Or, maybe I am.

But I'm sure I'm not the only person that noticed the article on Lost's  Elizabeth Mitchell. The "Before" picture in the upper left holds the caption, "Size 8 is standard in my family..."

Honey? That aint no size 8.

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May 27, 2008

Silver Screen Schadenfreude

Authored by Super Special Guest Poster and Honorary MamaPop Betch, Julie of Mothergoosemouse

Screencapture I'm no celebrity gawker - that's one reason I'm honored that Sweetney gave me a shot at posting here - but I'll admit one celebrity-related vice.  For many years, I have loved snickering at the awful shots posted in the E! Online Fashion Police gallery.

Long before I'd ever heard of Go Fug Yourself, I'd click over to the Fashion Police and get an instant self-esteem boost. If celebs couldn't dress themselves well, despite all their money and their personal shoppers, then I wasn't going to beat myself up for looking frumpy now and then.

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May 23, 2008

Livin' la vida Lohan

Lohan

Authored by Super Special Guest Poster and Honorary MamaPop Betch, Dana of Mamalogues

I’ve had a massive hankering for beef jerky, oranges, and vinegar for the past couple of weeks. Luckily, “Living Lohan” premieres on the E! Network on Memorial Day. I know! I also cannot think of a better way to honor our fallen.

I’m not exactly sure how one goes about “living Lohan” or how it differs from “just living,” but I’m sure Momager Most High Dina Lohan will show us. The premise of the show is that Dina already guided one daughter to superstardom, watch as she does it again! I’ve never beheld such sparkly packaging on the stage mom sobriquet.

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May 22, 2008

I'm Not Buying SJP as A Sex Symbol

Usvoguejune2008sarahj

Authored by Super Special Guest Poster and Honorary MamaPop Betch, Sarah of Sarah And The Goon Squad

Let me ask you a serious question. Why is Sarah Jessica Parker famous? And you can't just say big boobs because my pre-algebra teacher had enormous breasts and she was never on the cover of Vogue (that I've noticed anyway.)

I also suspect my pre-algebra teacher was a better actress.

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Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Review

Indywp

Authored by Super Special Guest Poster and Honorary MamaPop Betch, Dana of Mamalogues

One wonders, after watching 65-year-old Harrison Ford chop through the Amazon rainforest in the much-anticipated “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,” if Indy didn’t make a pit-stop at the legendary Fountain of Youth along the way. Ford is ripped, rippling; he’s a man-cougar. A mougar, if you will.

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May 21, 2008

Stuff My Hairdresser Swears Is True (But Probably Isn’t)

Authored by Super Special Guest Poster and Honorary MamaPop Betch, Jenny of The Bloggess

Sweetney asked if I wanted to write something for MamaPop, and I figured she must be high because all I know about celebrity gossip is the rambling diatribe I pick up from my hairdresser who probably needs medication... but then I realized that I *did* actually have something to share.

Stuff my hairdresser swears is true but probably isn’t:

Britney Spears is pregnant.

Ellen Degeneres is pregnant.

Angelina Jolie is not pregnant but is faking being pregnant because she wants to adopt some white babies and feels guilty about it.

The chick that plays Hermione Granger is secretly 39 years old and stays young-looking by bathing in pig placentas.  Also, she’s pregnant.

Hermione_2

The Iron Man movie was based on a true story being suppressed by the US Government.  In fact, the whole thing was funded by the Department of Homeland Security so that when you complain to the police about how Iron Man is wire-tapping you without a search warrant they will just think you’re drunk again.

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May 20, 2008

Who Cares Who Wins Hell's Kitchen?

Authored by Super Special Guest Poster and Honorary MamaPop Betch, Sarah of Sarah And The Goon Squad

Ramsay_embarrassed Why don't I care about "Hell's Kitchen" this season? This has been bothering me for a few weeks now. I had all these thoughts floating around in my little head and I didn't know what to do with them. Then I got an e-mail about guest posting on MamaPop and it seemed perfect.

So why don't I care? This is why - There is nobody to root for this season. I don't want any of them to win. The guys? Matt is a whiny little bitch. Booby can talk trash way better than he can cook (and he doesn't talk trash that well) Petrozza? well first of all he goes by Petrozza and second of all he isn't even close to being worthy of having his own kitchen. Don't even get me started on the women. I honestly think Christina will win because she is the least hated. She is the least bad at working in the kitchen. The Queen of the Fuck Ups. Whatever. I don't care.

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May 19, 2008

Today's Designers Walking On Eggshells?

Authored by Super Special Guest Poster and Honorary MamaPop Betch, Heather of Oh My Stinkin' Heck

I'm here to show you why od'ing on late 70's and early 80's TV Sitcoms is not such a great brainstorming method for designers.

Napshell

Does it remind you of anything?  Do you need to look again?  Go ahead…there's time.

Depardieu After viewing the ergonomically correct, Napshell, just try and tell me the designers behind this project didn't draw inspiration from a week long, Jolt Cola induced Mork & Mindy marathon.    Because honestly, I'd be hard to convince. They could have hardly done worse if they'd tossed in a bit of Knight Rider. Just ditch Hasselhoff (please), drop in some side sliding doors, paint it black, give it a few more gizmos and make it voice activated, and you've got a Kitshell. Granted, it might not make for peaceful sleep, but it'd market better than something that looks like it was lanced from Gerard Depardieu's face--waiting to suck you into its cavity.

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February 22, 2008

"There Will Be Blood" Review

There_will_be_blood_poster2 Authored by Super Special Guest Poster and Honorary MamaPop Betch, Heather of No Pasa Nada

I've given myself a good thwack to the head for not writing about this movie sooner. As if Daniel Day-Lewis' invariable perfection suddenly escaped from memory. I should also mention that this is the first time that I've had a vested interest in an Oscar (both the film for Best Picture and Daniel Day-Lewis for Best Actor) contender because OMFG was this movie brilliant. This is also the first time that I've seen almost all of the films in contention only to feel rather 'eh' towards the entire lot only to see There Will Be Blood and spontaneously become enthralled in the building of oil derricks and pipelines. Daniel Day-Lewis could even yell at me a bit and I probably would be "Oh Ok, Mr. Day-Lewis. Whatever you say. Sure I'll risk my life and dig for days JUST GIVE ME THAT SMOLDERING LOOK ONE MORE TIME."

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October 30, 2007

"Dan In Real Life" Review

Dan_in_real_life Authored by Super Special Guest Poster and Honorary MamaPop Betch, Heather of No Pasa Nada

Humor me while I pretend that Steve Carell isn't married with two children... and that he is somewhat aware of my existence on this planet... and he has decided to whisk me away for an evening of witty repartee and general hilarity with so much laughter that I leave with tears in my eyes and a stitch in my side. I would try to keep up with the banter in between being completely mesmerized by his rapid raillery and genius.  It's not enough to say that Carell is hysterical -- it's that he carries himself and portrays his characters in such a way that you can feel for them even while laughing at them. Carell's very politically incorrect Michael Scott on The Office provides the perfect example: there are moments during the show when I cringe (anyone remember "Prison Mike"?) but then laugh, because even though it is laugh out loud funny and supposed to be, it also isn't overtly vulgar slapstick comedy. It's the subtleties and innuendoes that Carell is able to use so casually in his vernacular that brings me back to my dreams of someday being whisked away.

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May 03, 2007

America's Next Top Model: Now Sponsored by Huggies

Tyra Authored by Super Special Guest Poster and Honorary Mama Catherine of Her Bad Mother

I have, on occasion, wondered if Tyra Banks is a man, in really good drag. I realize that this is highly unlikely – they don't manufacture boobies like that – but still: she's so big. Linebacker big. RuPaul big. Attack-Of-The-Fifty-Foot-Woman big. That big.

She's, like, seven feet tall in flats with a chest like the prow of an ocean liner. She wears false eyelashes the size of wolf spiders. She's a Titan. An Amazon. She could knock Twiggy down with one swipe of her meaty but well-manicured paw.

All of which is to say, she frightens me and countless small children and probably also a few entertainment lawyers.

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April 12, 2007

The American Dream: To Love Donny Osmond

[Ed Note: This piece was originally posted on Monday, right around the time MamaPop went BOOM!, and I felt it was only right and good to feature it again, since clearly it never got its due.]

Donnyosmond Authored by Super Special Guest Poster and Honorary Mama, Leah of LeahPeah

I not only grew up in Utah, but was raised a Mormon. I know. Shocker. And Mormons don’t have official royalty or anything. They have the Prophets and the Brothers and the Sisters and all those awesome, young missionaries going through the most hormonal time of their lives while wearing white shirts and name tags but if we DID have royalty, it would be the Osmond Family.

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