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Merciless Killing Machines Archive


June 18, 2010

Silly Bandz Bans?

Silly-bandz  Did you know that Silly Bandz were a thing? Because I've been wearing them in my hair for a couple of months now and I had no idea.  

Of course you did, didn't you? 

Is a five-year old going to cut me for my pig? 

That sounds all kinds of wrong. 

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June 15, 2010

In The Land of Lego, Walk Softly And Carry A Big Gun

LegoI remember when we were younger, our parents got us a pile of little gifts for Christmas and one big thing.  Some years, when times were good, it was "big" in the sense of dollar value.  Some years dictated a tighter budget and our "big" gift was simply large in size.  Others, it was both.  But one year, my gift was a giant, 25 gallon Rubbermaid container filled with LEGO.  It was the greatest gift in history. 

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"Full Measure": Season Finale of Breaking Bad [Recraps]

Breaking-Bad-Finale-Episode-13-Walt-Mike-Small  We're back, Palinode and I, to recap the season finale of Breaking Bad, only this time we're joined by the esteemed gentleman who actually needs no introduction.  At the table with us exchanging enthusiastic comments about AMC's popular series Breaking Bad starring Emmy-award winning actor Bryan Cranston is DJ Charlie Ann, famed deejay and master mixer of the underground children's house/trance scene and pornographic astrologist to the stars.  We're so not worthy!

Join us, as we breathlessly dissect the entire episode down to every single one of its cells.  That is to say, get comfy.  

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June 10, 2010

Party Down South, Y'all

Party-down-south-promo  Do you enjoy the incisive cultural commentary of Jersey Shore and the antics of its human stereotypes slash cast members? Raise your glass to a little bit of chicken fried? Then country women and men, though art loosed -- Party Down South may be for you. 

That's what she said. 

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June 07, 2010

What Would Michael Bay Do?

Baysplosion  With Michael Bay intent on rebooting any 80s series, imaginable, I recently began to speculate what certain franchises would look like if given Bay's signature touch:

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May 26, 2010

Brendan Fraser Has a Lot of Integrity

Brendan-fraser The actor is prepared to walk away from a hefty payday because of a dispute with the studio over who should direct -- he'd rather not make the film at all if it means compromising his artistic vision.

This all sounds fantastic until you find out just what movie and directors we're talking about here.

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May 06, 2010

Die Hard 5: Die Really Super Freaking Hard

Diehard-john-mcclaneJohn McClane has terrible luck. First he went to L.A. and Hans Gruber took his Christmas Party hostage, then he is flew out of Washington D.C. and terrorists take Dulles hostage, then he was in New York and Hans Gruber's brother Simons tracked him down and messed with him, then he got mixed up with Homeland Security and had to help them save the United States from internet terrorists.

You would think John McClane would retire.

You would hope John McClane would retire. 

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New Machete Trailer Released

Machete One of the best parts of the Quentin Tarantino/Robert Rodriguez double feature Grindhouse was the fake trailers that played in between Planet Terror and Death Proof. And of those trailers, Machete stood out for being so over the top and awesome.

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Vincenzo Natali's Splice Brings Dren To The World

Splice-poster World?  Meet Dren.  Dren?  Meet the World.  Now, watch out World.  Dren will eat your face.  Or something.  Something scary and super creepy involving squirrelly noises and weird eyes and a spikey, unpredictable tail.

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May 04, 2010

Syfy Informs Us that WWE Is "Imagination-Based Sports Entertainment"

Wwe-wrestling About a year ago, the Sci Fi network took a dramatic step toward their rebranding and changed their name to Syfy. Because apparently the key to success is 1) spell things phonetically thereby removing all meaning 2) alienate your already alienated audience base 3) ... 4) PROFIT/DINOSHARK!

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April 29, 2010

Upcoming 3D Movies I Might Pass On

3d-audience My family and I go to the movies a fair amount, usually at least once a month. And I'm one of those people who actually likes the 20 minutes of trailers that play before the movie. I like seeing what's going to be coming out so that I can say, "Ohh, that looks good, we'll have to see that," or mercilessly snark on it, a la Mystery Science Theater 3000.

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April 28, 2010

I'm Sorry to Break It to You, But You Can't Buy Dr. Jack Kevorkian's Death Van on eBay Anymore

Dr. Jack KevorkianThere are a few disappointed eBay consumers this week after the vehicle they were trying to buy was pulled from auction on Monday. Apparently, if you own one of the vans in which Dr. Jack Kevorkian performed any of his claimed minimum of 130 illegal assisted suicides and try to sell it on eBay, eBay has a policy against the sale of "murderabilia" and will de-list your auction.

Damn. And I so always wanted a death van.

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April 26, 2010

Comedy Central Censors South Park Because Of Death Threats From Nerds Posing As Muslims

Trey-Parker_Matt-Stone South Park has a long history of insulting religions because religious people are funny when they're mad. If religious people weren't so funny when they get all frothy and sputtery, South Park wouldn't make fun of them. But that's just not going to happen. For example, South Park pissed off some Muslims who want the creators dead. Like, dead dead. Because of a fucking cartoon. Yay monotheism!

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April 21, 2010

Lady Gaga vs Grace Jones: Who's Original Now?

Lady-gaga-grace-jones-thumbnailAh, Lady Gaga: the most shocking semi-androgyne to ever break out of the usual pop star mold while almost never wearing any pants. Oh, wait, that's not right. Wasn't there someone else? There was!

Who has been recording music since 1977? Who hung out with the likes of Brian Eno and played a muse to Andy Warhol? Who delved into the insanity of gonzo fashion when Gaga was not yet even born? Who has a film career that spans four decades? Who frightened me as a child with her segmented head on her 1985 "Slave to the Rhythm" album cover?

Grace Jones.

Lady Gaga seems to have it now, but Grace Jones had it first. The question is, who really has it?

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Top Gear is Crossing the Pond

Top-Gear-USA  Again. But for real this time. No word on whether actual amphibious vehicles will be involved in the move. 

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