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Paris Hilton Archive

June 15, 2010

Review: The Karate Kid

Karate-kid-2010 Movie remakes are a tricky thing. Good intentions may be behind all of them, to recreate something classic as an homage to the original, but often egos and misguided artistic visions pervert things along the way.


March 24, 2010

Paris Hilton Is Working On a Project No One's Ever Heard Of, Except For That Time When She Mentioned That She Doesn't Know What It Is, Either

Paris_hilton_thumbParis Hilton's brand of celebrity — privileged, slightly porny princess gone wild — has always annoyed me.

She and Lindsay Lohan seem to have the same marketing plan: make less-than-stunning attempts at a career in television and film and music, follow that up with photos that cement their ability to mimic soft-core porn, semi-regularly make displays of public drunkenness to give people something to look at when they've gotten boring, and then, when they find themselves moving out of the cuteness of their early twenties and their partying starts to make them look pathetic, make claims that they are "working" on "projects".

Maybe Paris Hilton really is "finalizing" a project. Maybe I'm jush jellush.


February 15, 2010

Paris Hilton: Just Like Old Times

Paris-hilton-brazil-3 You know, it's been awhile since someone photographed Paris Hilton doing something stupid while drunk. Remember when that used to happen just about every day? You couldn't turn on the NEWS there, for awhile, without being confronted by an insufficiently-clad Paris Hilton doing something stupid. So these photos of Paris...dancing? writhing? something?...at a Valentine's Day launch party for...a beer? that she's promoting? whatever?...really fill me with a nice sense of nostalgia.


January 06, 2010

Casey Johnson. Sigh.

Casey-johnson-2008 What can I possibly say about this messed-up, tragic and trainwrecky story?


December 23, 2009

Deliver Us From Paris Hilton's Wild Kingdom of Hell

Paris_hilton_thumbnail Paris has discovered a new animal hybrid. It's like if you spliced together a cheetah, leopard, tiger and giraffes. Truly, I think we need to get Jack Hanna on the horn:


August 06, 2009

Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt: Who Kisses Like That?

Paris_hilton_doug_reinhardt So these two got back together. 

I saw this photo and the first though that flew through my head was WTF WHO KISSES LIKE THAT? Who aims their head at their beloved with their jaw unhinged and their mouth tentacle hanging below their chin? People who kiss like this? It's GROSS. STOP IT.

I thought about the million different ways that I could Photoshop this photo: Paris Hilton lapping up a bowl of water, Paris Hilton vomiting, Paris Hilton licking an ice cream cone, Paris Hilton superimposed into a "Predator" still and hunting Schwarzeneggar in the jungle. 

She's got her Gollumn claw up on his shoulder and appears to be attempting anything other than a kiss.

Had your breakfast yet? LET'S LOOK CLOSER! 


June 09, 2009

Paris Sounds Professional And Madonna Turns To Jesus In Her Time Of Need

Paris_Hilton_Paid_Professional Guess what somebody claims Paris Hilton used to do for money? I know it's not really that hard to believe but Elizabeth Jawhary, one of the former party girls interviewed in Mark Ebner's upcoming book "Six Degrees Of Paris Hilton" alleges that on occasions when paid to party with men, Paris would be one of other *ahem* paid hostesses ready to service the patron(s).

Ms. Jawhary is quoted saying,

"We would party pretty hard. Paris got naked and the girls would get naked. This was mainly in Vegas. There were times where you would have Ted or Ron come down, and they would pretty much pay for girl-on-girl action. I'd be there. And they'd pay to watch us girls going at it."


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