MamaPop™

Comedy Central Censors South Park Because Of Death Threats From Nerds Posing As Muslims

South Park has a long history of insulting religions because religious people are funny when they're mad. If religious people weren't so funny when they get all frothy and sputtery, South Park wouldn't make fun of them. But that's just not going to happen. For example, South Park pissed off some Muslims who want the creators dead. Like, dead dead. Because of a fucking cartoon. Yay monotheism!

Bob Dylan Is Still A Communist Threat But The Beatles Are No Longer A Hassle For Jesus

Bob Dylan is such a badass that China still fears him. However, in other 60s counterculture news, the Vatican finally made peace with the Beatles. "With all these pedophiles running around in vestments, who's got time to worry about the Beatles?" asked the Pope. Not really. But burn, man - I just burned the Pope hard.

Jason Lee's Ex-Wife Confirms Everything You've Already Heard About Scientology (Except the One Thing You REALLY Want to Know)

    In "Hollywood Cult Confidential," an "Enquirer Exclusive," Jason Lee's ex-wife Carmen Llewellyn spills a bowl of beans that has already been spilled.  And yet this CoS dirt is always just as fascinating as it always is.  For me it's fascinating because the Church of Scientology allegedly employs some serious "U SHUT YER PIEHOLE OR UR DED" methods to quiet any negative comments about their <strike>cult</strike> church.  

CBS Can't Handle Gay Dating Commercial

CBS, who has decided to run Tim Tebow's anti-abortion ad during the Super Bowl has rejected an ad from a gay dating site called Man Crunch because it "does not meet broadcast standards".

I think it is kind of funny. Watch for yourself.

I Guess Panic Rooms Aren't Just for the Mentally Ill Anymore

I always thought that people who had a panic room in their house automatically qualified as clinically paranoid. I mean, really, who needs a panic room? If you are at high risk for a home invasion you can get a really nice alarm system or some beefeaters or something. Right?

Kurt Westergaard actually needed and used his panic room on Friday.

Old Ladies Who Are Really Demons Freak Me Out

 Legion is a movie coming out on January 22nd and it's about the end of the world, and demon ice cream vendors and scary vampire grandmas and angels with shotguns so that means it's pretty much a work of art already. You don't even need to see it. They'll probably hang it in the Louvre and then all you'll have to do is fly to France and go see it for free or whatever they charge to get into the Louvre these days. Okay, maybe it'll be cheaper to just see it in the theaters, but you'll be missing out on a bunch of snobby French people and faux intellectualism. Your choice.

10 Reasons Polygamy Is The Way, As Informed By My Engaged Viewing Of Big Love

Me and my wife don't smoke crack so we watch TV on DVD, compulsively. Like, just one more before bed. Please baby. One more episode. That kind of thing. So anyway, we recently started watching Big Love and I can't stop thinking about having sex with a bunch of women and having it sanctioned by my religion. Because, obviously, that would rock the house.

And I Know God Because of KRS-One

Do you like your religions fresh?  Do you like the word of God dropped? What did you think of R.E.M.'s Radio Song?

If you answered any of the above questions then you are in luck.  KRS-One is starting a new religion and it's both hip and hop. Introducing The Gospel of Hip Hop: The First Instrument, coming soon to a hotel dresser near you.

The tome is 600 pages about the divinity and spirituality of hip-hop, and according to Rev. One, "I'm suggesting that in 100 years, this book will be a new religion on the earth."

Model Gets Caned in Public For Drinking Beer or Thank the Gods I'm Not Malaysian

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking Sarah is crappy speller, canned has two "n"s. And while yes, I suck at spelling, this time I meant for there to be only one n. Malaysian model Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno* was not fired but she has been sentenced to a caning for drinking a beer in public.

That is actually vaguely old news as she was caught drinking (in a hotel bar) in Malaysia two years ago and she was sentenced to pay a fine of 5,000 Malaysian ringgit and to receive six strokes with a rattan cane.

That roughly translates to $1,400 and a beating.

The new news is that Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno* has requested to be caned in public.

Adam Yauch Is Recovering From Surgery And I'm Not Recovering From The Beastie Boys

Making it a weekly practice to write for MamaPop has exposed me to how deeply influenced I am by popular culture. It's in my bones. But just like the way you carry your bones around with you all the time and never think about them, so too with pop culture. It's too present to be aware of. You just go about your life, being made of it, unaware of it.

Until you get bone cancer and then suddenly - you've got bones on your mind. That's how I feel about hearing about Adam Yauch (MCA) getting throat cancer. The Beastie Boys have been a constant staple in my background. They were just there. But since hearing the news and following Yauch's progress, I've been thinking a lot about the Beastie Boys. All I do is rhyme and steal.

Ozzy Osbourne's Dog Has Been Murdered

In what appears to be the continuation of some kind of crazy curse on Ozzy Osbourne's dogs, Little Bit, Osbourne's treasured Pomeranian, was killed last Tuesday, July 7th.

Little Bit's death comes after another of Osbourne's dogs, Goldie, was bitten by a rattlesnake earlier in the year. Goldie narrowly escaped death and, apart from being extremely bummed out about Little Bit, is doing fine.

Little Bit, however, is not doing fine. Because, as I reported earlier, Little Bit is dead. As the Osbourne's watched the Michael Jackson memorial, poor Little Bit was attacked and eaten by a coyote in the backyard.

The Osbourne's live in Los Angeles. Am I alone in wondering what the fuck is up with all the wildlife attacks at Osbourne's Los Angeles residence?

The Osbourne's are not blaming Jackson. And they have no leads as to who might have put a curse on their dogs. I know what you're thinking. Some of Osbourne's friends are thinking the same thing.

Twilight: The Religion

We all love Edward Cullen. How could you not? In the Twilight series Stephanie Meyer describes him as the perfect man. Repeatedly. And while yes, I would want him to be my boyfriend (if I were a teenage vampire anyway) I am not so sure I will take him as my messiah.

I wish I was making this up, but I am not. Meet the new religion: Cullenism.

Yes, I said religion.

What does a Cullenist believe in? I am so glad you asked.

Announcement on the Miss California Crown Scandal Expected To Come Today

You know you have been on the edge of your seat waiting to hear if Miss California, Carrie Prejean, will lose her crown over some naked pictures she took while she was young and stupid.  Well, the wait is over.  An announcement is expected today. 

But wait, isn't she still young and stupid?

Pageant spokesman Ron Neal said there would be a newsconference today to "address many issues surrounding Miss California USA."  In the meantime, the pageant's first runner-up, Tami Farrell has been put on standby.  Does this really warrant a newsconference?  With cameras?  Are we going to break into regularly scheduled programming for this?

Is The Mel Gibson Divorce Going to Be The Most Expensive Hollywood Divorce Ever?

Well, looks like another long term Hollywood couple has bitten the dust.  The odd thing is Mel and his wife have been separated for approximately three years, since just after his DUI arrest, but managed to keep it quiet, until his wife filed for divorce last week, after 30 years of marriage.

I have made no secret of my dislike for Mel.  So it doesn't exactly make me sad that he could lose half of his $1 billion empire.  Apparently, this union had no prenup.  Which I guess makes sense.  It's not like he went into this marriage a billionaire.  I can never figure the stars that get married after they make millions, without a prenup.

Madonna's Adoption Petition Denied

No one expected this one, certainly not Madonna.  Not even when the ruling on her petition was delayed last week.  When Justice E.J. Chombo denied her adoption petition on Friday courtroom observers said she was shocked, appalled even.  "An incredulous Madonna kept wringing her hands."  The Judge said over and over again Madonna did not meet the Malawi residency requirements, which is 18 to 24 months in Malawi.  Although Madonna has homes in London in New York, she does not have a home in Malawi.  Madonna's lawyer, Alan Chinula,  has filed a notice to appeal the ruling with the Malawi Supreme Court, according to Ken Manda, high court registrar.

The judge said she had "a gripping temptation" to approve the adoption, but decided doing so would open doors to child trafficking, court records show. My question is, why are we so concerned with the rules now when we weren't when she adopted David?  She was granted custody and allowed to take him out of the country two years earlier without meeting the residency requirements. Different judge?  Backlash from the first adoption?  Ask two lawyers the same question you get a different answer?