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Things That Suck Archive


April 27, 2010

Tito Ortiz Arrested For Assaulting Girlfriend, Needs To Look For A New Job

Tito-Ortiz-Jenna-Jameson Mixed martial artist Tito Ortiz was arrested Monday after allegedly abusing his retired adult film star girlfriend, Jenna Jameson, in their Huntington Beach, California, home.

This could spell major trouble for the disgruntled gorilla's future in the UFC.

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April 22, 2010

Michael Jackson Inspired Cirque du Soliel Show, Joe Jackson Takes A Pass

Joe-Jackson Cirque du Soliel has signed a deal to take Michael Jackson's songs and dance moves, freak them up a bit, and turn the whole she-bang into a travelling circus and Las Vegas show. 

Joe Jackson, as usual, frowned his grumpy old man face and said "I won't see it."

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April 21, 2010

Robert Downey Jr. To Star In The Wizard Of Oz Prequel - My Brain Might Explode

Wizard-of-Oz Production Weekly leaked some pretty significant news through Twitter yesterday:

'Sam Mendes is the front runner to direct "Oz The Great And Powerful" by Mitchell Kapner, with Robert Downey, Jr. circling to play the Wizard'

My computer nearly had a seizure, it was so excited. 

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April 19, 2010

True Blood "In Production" Sneak Peeks and Minisodes

 True-blood logo There are exactly 55 days until season 3 of True Blood begins. I'm not, like, counting or anything. It was just some little tidbit that I heard. Somewhere. Ahem.

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Bob Dylan Is Still A Communist Threat But The Beatles Are No Longer A Hassle For Jesus

Bob-dylan black and white bernard ratzinger Bob Dylan is such a badass that China still fears him. However, in other 60s counterculture news, the Vatican finally made peace with the Beatles. "With all these pedophiles running around in vestments, who's got time to worry about the Beatles?" asked the Pope. Not really. But burn, man - I just burned the Pope hard.

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April 14, 2010

Fuzzy Wuzzy Was Disgusting, or Was She? It's a Hairy Situation When It Comes to Mo'Nique, Amanda Palmer, and Their Shaggy Sisters

Julia-roberts-hairy-armpit We have been conditioned to see body hair on women as brazen and unpalatable. While men's armpit, leg, and chest hair is out and about all over the globe, an otherwise pulchritudinous Julia Roberts is suddenly seen as unclean, her hirsute armpit a shameful slap in the face of social decency.

In an age when remaining as hairless as a nine-year-old girl is seen as a nearly mandatory social requirement for women, there is a slow swell rising against the tide of our present definition of femininity. Who are these women who have dared to bare their hair and brave the finger-wagging masses?

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"Ugly Betty" Series Finale Tonight: I Has An Unexpected Sad

Ugly-betty-poncho I know! When do I care about Ugly Betty so much, all of a sudden? It's kind of news to me.

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Sigourney Weaver, My Breasts And I Have A Bone To Pick With You

Sigourney-weaver  Copy this one down for the WTF files. Sigourney Weaver has not only betrayed the sisterhood of women in film, who have been sorely underrepresented since the medium was invented, but has lauded and sung the praises of one Mr. James "I'm A Douche" Cameron IN PLACE OF standing up for her fellow woman. I cannot believe I am even reporting this.

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April 13, 2010

Gristle And the City: Vein Face Off

IMG_0661Can someone please explain to me what in the GD hell is going on with this new veiny gristle phase?  As a gal with an eating disorder, I can understand the screwed up mindset of being thin, but does the DSMV, when revised, need to include a new category for women who want to look like The Incredible Hulk, minus the Incredible?  Is this somehow the new "thing?"  If it is, I don't understand it at all. 

Don't get me wrong.  I try to be as fit as I can be and I enjoy any amount of leanness I can achieve.  And yes, everyone has different ideas on what is attractive, but... veins?  Arms that look like a slab of ground round?  

So, let's have the face-off, shall we?  Only, as we all know, there are no winners here.  Just some animated ground round, phone books torn in half and tears.

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April 12, 2010

The Insane Clown Posse Ponders Some Science and S#*t

Insane-clown-posse In September 2009, the Insane Clown Posse released their eleventh studio album, entitled Bang! Pow! Boom! Recently, they released a music video for the single "Miracles." And, folks, it's EPIC.

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April 09, 2010

Mega Piranha: Mega Anything is Okay With Me. Except Herpes. Mega-Herpes Would Suck.

Mega piranha movie poster  Sometimes a movie comes along that asks all the right questions and speaks to a generation of movie-goers in a unique way that is reflective of the time and place in which it was made. And other times, they make movies like Mega Piranha, where giant fish with teeth try to eat Greg Brady and bad pop stars from the late 1980s and the only way to repel them is by using well-timed karate kicks. I think we can all relate to THAT..

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April 07, 2010

Bristol Palin Wants Poor Girls to Know That They Shouldn't Have Sex Like She Did Because They're Poor

Bristol-palin Bristol Palin, daughter of Sarah Palin, former Republican nominee for Vice President of the United States in 2008, and public face of wealthy teen motherhood, wants you to know something: 

It's okay for girls with money and famous mothers to have baby's outside of wedlock, but if you're poor and unknown, you had better think twice, or "pause before you play", as she terms it in a recent PSA.

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April 02, 2010

Roland Emmerich: In West Germany, Born And Raised. Made Crappy Movies for Most of My Days.

Independence Day Explodes the White House. Good Taste.  So maybe there are people out there who enjoy small budget films that rely on a clever script, brilliant acting, or excellent story arc to convey the artistry of their tale. Well those people can suck it, because there's a good chance Will Smith and Roland Emmerich, my two most favorite people in all of Hollywood, which if you don't get it...I am saying completely sarcastically... are about to make not one, but TWO sequels to Independence Day. Somewhere, Fellini is making disinterested wanking motions in his grave. Letting these guys make another film together should pretty much be illegal anywhere people with eyes and ears are. 

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April 01, 2010

Madonna is a Hypocrite

Madonna-daughter-lourdes Madonna wants her 13 year old daughter, Lourdes, to dress more conservatively.

Ahem.

I myself am the parent of a young girl. I agree with the sentiment that thirteen year olds shouldn't dress like sluts. However, I do not feel like this particular woman has a leg to stand on.

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March 31, 2010

FTBC and the Sexification of Breast Cancer

Claudia Schiffer Fashion Targets Breast Cancer FTBC UK campaignFashion Targets Breast Cancer is an organization dedicated to raising awareness and funds in support of breast cancer research, education, and patient care whose beginning in 1994 was sparked by Ralph Lauren's loss of his friend Nina Hyde to the disease. FTBC is touted as "...the worldwide fashion community's singular and most successful response to breast cancer."

Yay for them. I still hate how they promote it.

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