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This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things Archive


June 24, 2010

Troll Dolls: The Movie. Seriously.

Wizard-troll-dollRemember those hideous looking Troll dolls from the '60's?  Troll Dolls, Leprocauns, Dam Dolls, Gonks, Wishniks, Treasure Trolls, or Norfins?  Ugly little bastards, is what they were.  An ugly fad that never seemed to go away completely.  They made comebacks in every subsequent decade, for some reason, but they never got any cuter.  But they were just dolls.  Dolls made to scare the bejesus out of kids for no particular reason. 

Their decades-long trendiness is apparently enough to warrant a movie deal. 

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June 23, 2010

From The Bad Moms Club: You'll Never Look At Toy Story The Same Way Again

Toy-story  OH THE HUMANITY. Um, I haven't seen the new Toy Story movie, but this parody, found for us by our sisters at The Bad Moms Club, proves that I'll never look at Buzz and Woody the same way again. Check it. 

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June 22, 2010

Facebook Movie Poster Is Full Of Lies

Facebook-logoThe first official poster for the new Facebook movie, The Social Network, has just been released and DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ.  Because it's full of lies.  Well, maybe not so much lies as probable future forecasts, but whatever.  LIES, I tell you.  LIES.

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From The Bad Moms Club: Adam Carolla: Bad Dad And Not Funny

Adam-Carolla  Ooooooh boy, does the Bad Moms Club nail it on this one. Adam Carolla, someone I have never found funny, has become ESPECIALLY not funny, I mean, WICKED PISSAH not funny by making horrible jokes regarding his daughter's weight. AH. MAH. GAH. 

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June 17, 2010

Neil Patrick Harris Brings You The Smurfs

Smurfs3 Remember way back yesterday when I worried about the quality of the pending Fraggle Rock movie? Well. At least you don't have to wonder about the Smurfs movie. Neil Patrick Harris introduces the new teaser trailer after the jump.

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June 16, 2010

Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead Lives. Is Nothing Sacred?

Dont_tell_mom_the_babysitters_dead Because every movie concept that could ever possibly exist has apparently already been imagined and fully- realized, every fucking week another studio announces another inevitably-terrible, uncalled-for remake. This week's impending-bastardization announcement comes courtesy of the creative geniuses at The Mark Gordon Company, who are reportedly looking for writers for a Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead remake.

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June 14, 2010

Tom Cruise Voo-Doos Hollywood into Les Grossman Movie.

Cruise_tropic_web  HAHAHAHAHA! Tom Cruise's Les Grossman character is HYSTERICAL. He's overweight and hairy and despicable and swears a lot and does unnecessary hip-hop dancing! Get it? He's white! Man! I haven't seen anything that funny since 7th grade when a bunch of bully assholes beat up a weak kid and then called him "Fag-aro" instead "Figgaro". Someone ought to make a movie about Les Grossman! Wait... What? I was being sarcastic! NO!

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June 10, 2010

"Top Chef DC" Preview: Chef Fun Facts!

Top Chef DC  I hope nobody was disappointed that I haven't been recapping "Top Chef Masters" but I have trouble tearing people apart who are already successful and doing all of these challenges for charity. That being said, next week "Top Chef DC" begins and I have zero issues making fun of folks who are on reality tv for profit, and I cannot wait.

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The Friends Movie: The One Where Monica's Rent Finally Goes Up

Friends For now, we are safe from the scourge of a Friends movie. But Courteney Cox has tentatively expressed to the Los Angeles Times her desire to see it happen. Now that the idea is out there, floating in the universe, there's really no reason to think that it's impossible.

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Party Down South, Y'all

Party-down-south-promo  Do you enjoy the incisive cultural commentary of Jersey Shore and the antics of its human stereotypes slash cast members? Raise your glass to a little bit of chicken fried? Then country women and men, though art loosed -- Party Down South may be for you. 

That's what she said. 

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June 08, 2010

Things Go Boom In The A-Team

The-A-Team I don't know if you've heard, but they've made that old tv show The A-Team into a movie!  I mean, there hasn't been much press on this little film, but after some intense research, I've dug up a thing or two about it.

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June 07, 2010

From The Bad Moms Club: Tassles For Your Toddler? This Is How The World Ends, People

Feminist1  Parents? For that matter, humanity in general? The Bad Moms Club presents to you the death of feminism as we know it. 

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June 03, 2010

Our First Glimpse At Thor In Costume

Chris-hemsworth-thor Somebody out there must like seeing people in rubber costumes and red capes, right?

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Oh! The Places You'll Go (Star Wars on YouTube)

Iphone_youtube_logo-icon YouTube is a wonderful and frightening place.

Sometimes it is a great parenting tool.

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May 31, 2010

Frat Party Is a Thing to Behold

Frat-party-movieSo, I know that I wrote awhile back that I had discovered the worst movie ever made in New York City Serenade, but I'm going to have to recant that claim for a new and obvious successor: Frat Party.

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